Today, as I listened to Kailyn read baby einstein, Touch and Feel Farm Animals to Aiden, I laughed out loud as she made the horse sounds to him. As I laughed, Aiden turned his head, looked at me, and smiled (I was sitting sorta behind him to the left)! I've never seen him turn toward a noise, just reactions as we're face to face talking! I laughed one of those teary eyed laughs and responded back with a, "you heard mommy laugh!" and a huge kiss on the cheek! PROGRESS with hearing aids right!!!
Over the past couple of days Aiden is also starting to giggle, not quite those all out baby belly laughs, but tiny giggles. Before, he would just smile real big and I'd keep waiting for any sound to come out; I was getting scared nothing ever would. But they're here and I'm sure those big belly laughs are right around the corner! I can't wait!
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On another note, Aiden is three months old today. I took the big step and moved all of his things upstairs to his room ... I have to get him out of the bassinet in our room and into his crib and it's a hard transition (more for me than him I'm sure). I've done good so far though, he's on his second nap in his crib (aren't you proud of me mom)! We'll see if he makes it up there tonight!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
My house is quiet this morning ... Aiden's back asleep for his morning nap, Mike's still sleeping (after a night of pig hunting with the guys), and so is everyone else! This is actually a treat to me as I have time to sit and reflect about the two important men in my life ... my husband and my dad.
My husband is an amazing father! I just smile when I watch him interact with our kids - each one in their own special way...
I watch him with Ryan - joking around, roughing him up, playing video games together, taking him hunting, coaching him not only in baseball, but about growing up and becoming a good man, coaching him about LIFE.
With Kailyn, he's so gentle, treating her like a princess, holding her hand, taking time to do things girls like to do, involving her with the "boy" things too, taking her to daddy-daughter dances, and teaching her now how a man should always treat a lady. She is definitely daddy's little girl.
Then there's Aiden, just three months, and I'm reminded all over again why I married this man. The way he holds him, talks to him, changes him, bathes him, is involved with him, everyday, every moment he gets. My favorite is seeing all six feet of him sleeping with this tiny little bundle on his chest. How peaceful. How precious.
And me ... I see how he believes in me, in our family, in our life. He reminds me everyday how Aiden will be okay, how we will learn together, how we will get through it, day by day. He is my strength. My best friend. My partner. My therapist ; ). My everything. Happy Father's Day baby.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This is also the first Father's Day since my dad passed away in January. I think about him today and I want to cry, but instead I smile. He's still with me and so are all of the things he taught me that help me through this journey...
"Always give it your all, no matter what you're doing ..."
"Follow your heart ... follow your heart ... follow your heart"
Throughout this time, I think of my dad and I remember his words. This is not going to be a smooth easy ride, I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to have those days. All I can do though is follow my heart with all the decisions that have to be made and give it my all, and I know as I go forth on this journey, I'll be able to look back and feel good about it, and today I know it will all be okay ...
My husband is an amazing father! I just smile when I watch him interact with our kids - each one in their own special way...
I watch him with Ryan - joking around, roughing him up, playing video games together, taking him hunting, coaching him not only in baseball, but about growing up and becoming a good man, coaching him about LIFE.
With Kailyn, he's so gentle, treating her like a princess, holding her hand, taking time to do things girls like to do, involving her with the "boy" things too, taking her to daddy-daughter dances, and teaching her now how a man should always treat a lady. She is definitely daddy's little girl.
Then there's Aiden, just three months, and I'm reminded all over again why I married this man. The way he holds him, talks to him, changes him, bathes him, is involved with him, everyday, every moment he gets. My favorite is seeing all six feet of him sleeping with this tiny little bundle on his chest. How peaceful. How precious.
And me ... I see how he believes in me, in our family, in our life. He reminds me everyday how Aiden will be okay, how we will learn together, how we will get through it, day by day. He is my strength. My best friend. My partner. My therapist ; ). My everything. Happy Father's Day baby.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This is also the first Father's Day since my dad passed away in January. I think about him today and I want to cry, but instead I smile. He's still with me and so are all of the things he taught me that help me through this journey...
"Always give it your all, no matter what you're doing ..."
"Follow your heart ... follow your heart ... follow your heart"
Throughout this time, I think of my dad and I remember his words. This is not going to be a smooth easy ride, I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to have those days. All I can do though is follow my heart with all the decisions that have to be made and give it my all, and I know as I go forth on this journey, I'll be able to look back and feel good about it, and today I know it will all be okay ...
Friday, June 13, 2008
Whole New World
I went and had dinner & drinks last night with one of my "bestest" friends, she's actually my sister I've never had. We always have the best conversations. I was telling her about my newest discovery with Aiden's world - the deaf community. After learning about Aiden's deafness, all I could think of was, he WILL hear and speak one day, and that's that, he will be a part of our hearing world. And hopefully he will (we still need to wait for the MRI to tell us if he is a true candidate for cochlear implants), but he is deaf and could also be part of a community that seems to have their own culture and I want him to know this part as well. As Aiden's family, we need to have a respect for this "culture" in a way we would respect the culture when visiting any foreign country. I'm still learning so much about this, so my big question now is, if Aiden is a candidate and successful with his implants and hearing/speaking, do we still teach ourselves and Aiden to sign or not?
Of course I have always known about sign language, but just that it was out there. What I've come to learn is there are different types of communication for deaf people. Sign language - American Sign Language (ASL) is not easy to learn and when translated word for word is completely different than spoken English, it's like learning a foreign language. I also didn't realize there is another type of sign, called SEE, which is more in tune with spoken English and is another option to teach Aiden and our family. There is an option to cue, which I don't know a lot about yet either since we have decided from day one that we want Aiden to hear and speak - this is the auditory verbal route. I'm still learning, so I'll fill in more about it later.
Before Aiden was born we discussed using baby signs with him for easier communication as a toddler. We saw our niece using these signs at 1 years old and were amazed at all the signs she knew and decided we would use it too. Little did we know that our child would be born with profound hearing loss and now we actually question the use of teacing him even basic signs. We question this because we are praying our child will be able to hear using cochlear implants and combined with the hard work of auditory-verbal therapy, he will be able to speak and listen. This therapy does not include any type of signing. In fact, it's suggested not to teach signing, so the sole focus is learning to communicate through listening and speaking, not signing (the implants don't just turn on a "hearing switch", it is very hard work to teach a deaf/hoh child with an implant to hear and speak and takes a lot of time and dedication, it's very different than teaching a hearing baby to speak, but the outcome is tremendous!).
Again, we are choosing for Aiden to get cochlear implants so he has the chance to speak and hear, that is our choice as his parents; we want our son to be a part of the hearing world ... but Aiden will always be deaf, there is no changing that and we have to ask ourselves how will we communicate with him when his "ears are off" or not working or if he chooses one day not to use them? We don't want to completely take away this "culture", this "community" even though we choose to (hopefully) have him implanted. As he gets older, we want to teach him all about the deaf community and the options he has and respect the decisions he makes, whether it's to communicate through hearing/speaking or through sign or both. At least we are lucky enough to give him the choice in how he communicates.
So for now, we will continue to work hard at our auditory-verbal therapy and pray that Aiden will one day speak and hear. But we will also continue to learn about this new world that has become part of our journey.
Of course I have always known about sign language, but just that it was out there. What I've come to learn is there are different types of communication for deaf people. Sign language - American Sign Language (ASL) is not easy to learn and when translated word for word is completely different than spoken English, it's like learning a foreign language. I also didn't realize there is another type of sign, called SEE, which is more in tune with spoken English and is another option to teach Aiden and our family. There is an option to cue, which I don't know a lot about yet either since we have decided from day one that we want Aiden to hear and speak - this is the auditory verbal route. I'm still learning, so I'll fill in more about it later.
Before Aiden was born we discussed using baby signs with him for easier communication as a toddler. We saw our niece using these signs at 1 years old and were amazed at all the signs she knew and decided we would use it too. Little did we know that our child would be born with profound hearing loss and now we actually question the use of teacing him even basic signs. We question this because we are praying our child will be able to hear using cochlear implants and combined with the hard work of auditory-verbal therapy, he will be able to speak and listen. This therapy does not include any type of signing. In fact, it's suggested not to teach signing, so the sole focus is learning to communicate through listening and speaking, not signing (the implants don't just turn on a "hearing switch", it is very hard work to teach a deaf/hoh child with an implant to hear and speak and takes a lot of time and dedication, it's very different than teaching a hearing baby to speak, but the outcome is tremendous!).
Again, we are choosing for Aiden to get cochlear implants so he has the chance to speak and hear, that is our choice as his parents; we want our son to be a part of the hearing world ... but Aiden will always be deaf, there is no changing that and we have to ask ourselves how will we communicate with him when his "ears are off" or not working or if he chooses one day not to use them? We don't want to completely take away this "culture", this "community" even though we choose to (hopefully) have him implanted. As he gets older, we want to teach him all about the deaf community and the options he has and respect the decisions he makes, whether it's to communicate through hearing/speaking or through sign or both. At least we are lucky enough to give him the choice in how he communicates.
So for now, we will continue to work hard at our auditory-verbal therapy and pray that Aiden will one day speak and hear. But we will also continue to learn about this new world that has become part of our journey.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
We're All in This Together
Aiden is amazing! We have really seen some great reactions from him this past weekend! We've had his hearing aids since May 27th, but the first week seemed so overwhelming and I just wasn't seeing any reactions from him; I refused to say he didn't hear us, yet felt an emptiness when he showed no reactions to my voice. Now, when I put on his hearing aids, his face lights up. He fusses at first while I get them on, but once they're on, he's all smiles! He's really been participating in some great vocal play too, cooing more and responding back to our voices! Kailyn loves to show everyone how he smiles and kicks when she tells him "I LOOOOOVVVVE YOUUUUU!" He definitely knows his sister!
I went out this weekend and bought a bunch of baby books and created the "Basket of Books" and set it in the living room. Everyone has to read him one book a day! Aiden loves them all, especially the ones with the baby faces! I love to see Kailyn & Ryan read to him. Ryan is very interactive making sure Aiden's looking at the pictures or takes his hand to feel the different textures of animals! I've even heard Mike talking to Aiden the "nutso" way I do, emphasizing our vowels and repeating every little noise Aiden does (you gotta admit, it sounds a bit crazy constantly repeating every noise a baby makes or narrating every movement you make, but after about a week, it's become normal household chit-chat.) It's great to see the whole family getting involved to help Aiden! We all know our goal and we're all getting there together!
I went out this weekend and bought a bunch of baby books and created the "Basket of Books" and set it in the living room. Everyone has to read him one book a day! Aiden loves them all, especially the ones with the baby faces! I love to see Kailyn & Ryan read to him. Ryan is very interactive making sure Aiden's looking at the pictures or takes his hand to feel the different textures of animals! I've even heard Mike talking to Aiden the "nutso" way I do, emphasizing our vowels and repeating every little noise Aiden does (you gotta admit, it sounds a bit crazy constantly repeating every noise a baby makes or narrating every movement you make, but after about a week, it's become normal household chit-chat.) It's great to see the whole family getting involved to help Aiden! We all know our goal and we're all getting there together!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Ooooo's and Aaaaaa's
We had therapy today. First one since summer break started. Kailyn had to go with me, which shouldn't be a big deal, but you have to know Kailyn. I love her to death, but she is quite the drama queen and loves every ounce of attention she can get and I was a bit worried about having to keep her under control while learning about Aiden's therapy. Most of the time, she sat and colored as she read (out loud of course) until she was invited to come join in and help! Best thing the therapist did, because now she was involved and felt important! She loved it!
Aiden was a ham as well! He really responded today! We were taught about his "hearing bubble" which is about 6 inches from his ear - this is the best range to keep within his ear when talking to him. Kailyn was taught how to speak to Aiden and stay within his hearing bubble and everytime Kailyn said"I LOVE YOU", Aiden would get a huge smile on his face! When he had his binky, he'd stop sucking on it ... our therapist said all of which are great signs he's responding to our voices!
So here's our homework for the week:
*Speak to him within his hearing bubble with good emphasis on our vowels. Lots of aaaaa's, eeee's, oooo's, and uuuu's!
*Everyone in the family will read one book a day to him (a baby book with lots of emphasis on vowels). I like this homework because it gets all of us involved.
*Pick a song of the week and really sing it throughout the week changing it up for each activity - we're working on Old McDonald this week - it's amazing how Old McDonald can change a diaper, give a bath, and burp a baby!
*Continue with our name game and listening walks.
Ryan says I'm a nut the way I talk to Aiden, but that's okay ... better to start practicing at home for the real world. I am sure there will be a lot of people out there who look at me as a bit cooky as I talk to Aiden in public, but it's for my baby and I'll do whatever it takes!
Aiden was a ham as well! He really responded today! We were taught about his "hearing bubble" which is about 6 inches from his ear - this is the best range to keep within his ear when talking to him. Kailyn was taught how to speak to Aiden and stay within his hearing bubble and everytime Kailyn said"I LOVE YOU", Aiden would get a huge smile on his face! When he had his binky, he'd stop sucking on it ... our therapist said all of which are great signs he's responding to our voices!
So here's our homework for the week:
*Speak to him within his hearing bubble with good emphasis on our vowels. Lots of aaaaa's, eeee's, oooo's, and uuuu's!
*Everyone in the family will read one book a day to him (a baby book with lots of emphasis on vowels). I like this homework because it gets all of us involved.
*Pick a song of the week and really sing it throughout the week changing it up for each activity - we're working on Old McDonald this week - it's amazing how Old McDonald can change a diaper, give a bath, and burp a baby!
*Continue with our name game and listening walks.
Ryan says I'm a nut the way I talk to Aiden, but that's okay ... better to start practicing at home for the real world. I am sure there will be a lot of people out there who look at me as a bit cooky as I talk to Aiden in public, but it's for my baby and I'll do whatever it takes!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
A Message From Above
Thank you all for your encouraging messages to help me through my "bad day"! It is nice to know that you all agree, IT IS OKAY TO HAVE A BAD DAY!
The most encouraging message came last night though. This is crazy and I think the Lord knew I needed to hear this. I was lying in bed trying to get Aiden to sleep and for some reason opened my cell phone ... it said "voice record". I thought "voice record? hmmm..." Then I saw there was a recording - Nov. 20, 2007 and I pressed play. I couldn't hear it too well and figured I'd hear Kailyn being silly, but then I made it out - it was my dad and me - a quick 10 second conversation, "Hi dad.", "Hi. Love you." "I love you too dad." CLICK. That's it. I had chills. I listened to it over and over - I was hearing my dad's voice telling me he loves me!! Tears just fell! He used to call me everyday just to tell me he loved me and now I can still listen to it everyday. He wanted to remind me he's here with me at a time I needed it most! I LOVE YOU DAD AND MISS YOU SO MUCH! THANKS FOR YOUR MESSAGE!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Are we allowed a bad day?
Today I'm having a bad day - I just can't seem to stop crying. It may have to do with the fact that I've been up since 3:00 a.m. In fact, I haven't been sleeping good at all lately - I can't get my mind to shut off - I worry that there's something else wrong with Aiden, I worry about what needs to be done and how I'm going to get it done, I worry that my kids are almost done with school and how I'm going to manage being a good mom to all three?
Today it hit me hard - my son is deaf and I don't want him to be!!!! Of course what mom does!!!??!! I don't want to do this! I feel so overwhelmed with it all - with all the research, with all the appointments, with all the therapy, with feeling like I have to be talking to him for his therapy every minute he's awake, with wanting to know about it all now, with wanting to do something to help others ... all while still trying to be a good mom to my other kids, a good wife to my husband, and keeping our house running! I feel that guilty mom feeling if I even think about trying to fit in time for me - but I know I need to!
Today I wonder if I can do this, but I know I don't have a choice, I have to, but today, I just don't want to. I can't even type this without crying and I need to stop because my mascaras running ... and I have to be up at the school helping with my daughter's play day and my student's play day ... but before any of this I need to feed Aiden and get his hearing aids in - he needs me and I'm so scared!! It's just a bad day today! I gotta remind myself - step by step ... DAY BY DAY - I CAN do this! RIGHT?
Today it hit me hard - my son is deaf and I don't want him to be!!!! Of course what mom does!!!??!! I don't want to do this! I feel so overwhelmed with it all - with all the research, with all the appointments, with all the therapy, with feeling like I have to be talking to him for his therapy every minute he's awake, with wanting to know about it all now, with wanting to do something to help others ... all while still trying to be a good mom to my other kids, a good wife to my husband, and keeping our house running! I feel that guilty mom feeling if I even think about trying to fit in time for me - but I know I need to!
Today I wonder if I can do this, but I know I don't have a choice, I have to, but today, I just don't want to. I can't even type this without crying and I need to stop because my mascaras running ... and I have to be up at the school helping with my daughter's play day and my student's play day ... but before any of this I need to feed Aiden and get his hearing aids in - he needs me and I'm so scared!! It's just a bad day today! I gotta remind myself - step by step ... DAY BY DAY - I CAN do this! RIGHT?
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