and the preschool teacher says ...

(posted this on Facebook, but trying to catch up on his blog and this is definitely "baby book" material)

first - one of my favorite "waiting for the bus" pictures

and here is a little snippet from Aiden's teacher at my recent parent-teacher conference.

(remember, Aiden is in a mainstream (nontypical) preschool class with 13 kids, all hearing with 8 typical peers)

"He reads the board out loud before I have a chance to,

he reminds me when I miss something in our daily circle time routine,

we have to ask him to give the other kids a chance to answer the questions,

and he's one of the most vocal in the class."--Mrs. M.

{simply.AMAZING}

First Day of Preschool 2

Oh my gosh my blog hates me. It's been so neglected this summer and I have so much to catch up on! Now that all three kids are back in school and our "in-school" schedules are firming up, I hope to have a little more time to things I like to do.

Aiden and I started talking about him going back to school a few weeks back and at that point, he wanted nothing to do with it. He words exactly, "No mommy! I don't want school! I stay home with mommy!" Ugh.

Then we went to meet the teacher. He has the same lovely teacher and aide as he did last year (from April to June), but his classroom is now in the new elementary school and is a lot bigger, has even more center areas, more toys/books, and overall just AWESOME. By the time we made it to the car, he was counting the days until school started.

As Aiden headed off to play with all the kids, I scoped the room. I was nervous because I knew the room was going to be a lot bigger, with windows, and no carpeting. I spoke with his teacher last year about making the new classroom a good listening environment for Aiden, and I have to give her a big kudos as she did a wonderful job making it as acoustically appropriate as possible. Such as:

• Huge area rugs throughout. Now it's not completely covered, but each center area has it's own big rug.
• Tennis balls on the chair/table legs.
• Walls very well covered with bulletin boards, posters, etc.
• The room is broken up into small centers/sections with tall bookcases, shelves, etc as dividers. 
• Soundfield all set up and ready to go
• Classroom is at the end of a hall that is not busy and the outside noise is very minimal since the room is on the opposite side of the building as the playground.

The only thing that didn't meet my checklist was that the two windows did not have curtains. 

This year, Aiden is going back to our district's special education preschool. There are eight or nine kids in his class and four of them are typical peers. He attends from 8:30 to 11:00 five days a week, and it is beyond perfect! This way we are able to fit in AVT, OT, and of course, MT (mommy therapy). I'm not ready to give him up all day and I absolutely love this schedule!

So without further ado, my four year old PRESCHOOLER, who LOVES going to school, knows all his classmates names already, and tells me about his day without me having to pull it out of him!

"Hurry mom! Where's my bus?"

"Mom! I HEAR the bus! It's coming!"

Oh my gosh I'm so excited!

Such a big boy!

change {the school}

I want to start this by saying THANK YOU to three special CI mommas, my sister-in-law (who is also a TOD), and a pretty awesome AVT who truly helped me through this difficult decision. Your support, advice, and guidance meant the world!

I could go into many details, but bottom line,

...not everything you are told or learn or see is the right thing for your child. Everyone has a different hearing journey and this was not the first time I've had to remind myself, this is Aiden's journey. We tried. We wanted it to work (because it was supposed to). But it wasn't, and the time for change was now.

The oral preschool Aiden attended is a good school for many kids, but it wasn't the right fit for Aiden. He left at 8am and didn't get home until 4pm. By the time he got home, he was worn out; him and I had no time to work together due to me starting my part time jobs right about the same time - taxi driver (aka soccer mom), tutor, cook, among many others.

So even though we were told time and time again, that an auditory oral environment with teachers of the deaf teaching the class would lead Aiden to be mainstreamed by kindergarten, we pulled him.

because it's definitely not the only option of reaching our goals for him.

My advice:

OBSERVE. Just because they say it's the right placement and what your child needs, doesn't mean they'll thrive. I observed MANY times through a two-way mirror, and it was there that I sat and cried as I watched my lil' darling barely talk, not interact much, not do much at all except attend. It hurt my gut.

RESEARCH ALL OPTIONS. In the meantime, I visited (and observed) many preschool classes trying to find the best fit for Aiden. I knew he needed more of a free-choice/centers, get up and move type environment in order to build his social and expressive language. He is a sensory seeker and it takes a lot of input (physical movement) to get output. But he also needed an environment that was at least somewhat acoustically appropriate to start with. He needed a place where I could tell they were ready to embrace his hearing loss and learn all about it, about him (believe me, you can tell who wants to take on the task and who doesn't). Options are a good thing. I didn't rule anything out. Oh, and be OPEN MINDED. Just because they've never taught a child with a CI doesn't mean they can't.

COMMUNICATE. I voiced my concerns with his then teacher and SLP. But the best thing I did was make an appointment with our district's special education DIRECTOR. Not the intervention specialist, not the psychologist we typically dealt with, the director. We had an hour plus conversation about Aiden, his needs, and what his least restrictive environment (LRE) looked like. We agreed he was not currently placed in his LRE and what my options were to fix this. We talked about how we could prepare him NOW to be ready for kindergarten in their district with very little needs outside of an FM. We defined what it would take to make him successful now, not later. I asked her if she'd help me get the district to pay for this LRE (if it so happened to be a (private pay) mainstream preschool).  She said absolutely, then asked if I would come work for her (and later followed up with an email asking if I would help them become a district who didn't have to send their kids with hearing loss out).

I have to say, this meeting was huge. We connected. We chatted. We talked about Aiden's future. TOGETHER. No politics, no IEP in our face, no my side/your side. Just two people with a similar interest. After this meeting, I gained a whole new respect for our school district's special education program. I learned they don't have to be the enemy, they can indeed (and should always be) an integral part of the team. Sometimes it means taking that first step/effort to make it happen.

In the end, we didn't move him to one of these "private pay preschools" that we considered his LRE. No, we broke another rule we learned early on and moved him to our district's special education preschool. Yep. I said it. The special education preschool. I didn't want to speak it aloud, as the just "sound of it" seemed like a huge step back. Yet it's not. It is honestly above and beyond; a place that will meet and exceed his current needs. It's not the same one I toured last year (and I was very open and honest with the director about why I would never put my child in that particular preschool), but a different one that I promised the director I would tour along with other preschools. There were a couple private pay preschools that I would've loved to send Aiden to, IF there weren't 20 kids in the class. Too many too soon. This placement is a perfect transition from 4 in a class to over 16 in a class. Maybe next year.

and here's why we chose his new school:

• Ten kids total with one master teacher and two aides. 
• GREAT language models - Aiden does not have the best language nor the worst - right where I  want him in any educational setting. I can't tell which kids are on an IEP and which are the typical peers (right now there are four typical peers in his class, next year there will be 8). 
• Aiden is not the only boy in the class anymore (he was the only boy in his old class with three girls) - he now has 6 boys to play with. Not that playing with girls is bad, believe me, I encourage it, but girls can take over - I am one and I have one. {smile}. 
• Two and a half hours a day, five days a week (and 5 minutes from my house) vs five full days a week (and 30+ minutes from my house) This allows every afternoon to US alone. We play. We have fun. We speak. We laugh. We learn. i love it.
• 45 minutes of speech a week (which I am having them focus mainly on articulation and pragmatic skills/language). I was going to ask for more, but sought out some advice and decided with such short days, 45 minutes a week of articulation work is enough. If we see him falling behind, we'll make changes.
• Push-in OT to work on things such as crossing mid-line, cutting, and firming up his fine motor skills.
• Vocabulary words that are above and beyond that go along with each weekly theme. This past week they read all kinds of pig stories - ask him what the pig's nose is called and he'll tell you "snout". The week before that they were imagination, think, and discover. They always have at least 4 new vocabulary words a week.
• They have free choice time for a solid 40 minutes. They can build, play at the "vet center" or "grocery center" (this changes every couple weeks too to a new themed center), read books, puzzles, sensory table, etc. And during this time, the teacher and aides are facilitating language. This is huge to work on Aiden's pragmatic skills and it keeps him moving.
• They create journals (seriously mini-experience books), they learn 3-4 new songs a month (and the words are sent home!), parents are given the book titles they'll be reading and vocabulary they'll be learning - before hand.  

We will see how this goes. So far, he loves it. I love it.

In the first week:

• He has told me on a couple days two to three things he's done at school! This is HUGE. Whenever I would ask before, he'd just say his teacher's name. 
• He's talking a lot more and his spontaneous speech/sentence length has me grinning ear to ear. His OT was floored how well he was talking. 
• He doesn't bat an eye when I drop him off and is excited to go every morning.

I could attribute this to many things, (shorter days, being around such great language models, not as tired, more physical activity to get that input and motors running).

Two other big things that have come out of nowhere this week:

• he's eating MUCH better (he'd barely eat before and now he's having seconds), and
• he's sleeping in his own bed - without a fuss - and we almost went a whole week without him waking in the middle of the night. 

Coincidence? Maybe. or maybe he's just that much less stressed with his new daily routine. I know I am.

New Beginnings

As we approach Aiden's third hearing birthday (and fourth birthday - WOW), I have to say that I never thought we'd be where we are today. I envisioned that all therapy would be behind us, except for check-ins here and there; that he'd be talking in full blown sentences, excited to tell me all about his day at school; that he'd be making up stories with details galore and talking so fast I have to tell him to slow down; that he'd be singing songs from front to finish as he danced around the living room. I envisioned he'd be at least caught up, if not beyond, his hearing peers, both receptively and expressively. To me, this wasn't a doubt. It's where we'd be.

But I was wrong. What I didn't envision is that he'd have social/pragmatic challenges; I didn't see us in weekly OT sessions for sensory processing and praxis challenges that not only effect many motor tasks, but things (that seem) as simple as multiple syllable words and sentence production; that we'd need a speech therapist on top of our AVT in order to close the gap on articulation challenges and to help him expressively speak, what he knows, more intelligibly. I never knew just how much work it is to talk and if all the "systems" aren't planning and working together, talking is one of the most difficult tasks even for a hearing child. I didn't envision awesome speech (and balance) on some days and pure mumble-jumble (speech and balance) on others.  I didn't envision hearing the words, "I'm just not sure what's going on. He's such a good listener, he gets it, he's a hard worker, and he's such a happy child, BUT SOMETHING'S MISSING." I certainly didn't envision that we'd possibly have another three years of therapy ahead of us. THREE MORE YEARS.

because I've been working my ass off. and it's SO frustrating.

What's crazy about all this though, is his hearing and listening skills are AMAZING! His technology is right on. He hears me as I yell for him from upstairs in the back bathroom and he's downstairs watching tv. He can repeat all his lings, each ear on it's own, from 10-12 feet away; he repeats all the phonemes pretty darn perfectly; he hears whispers, and well in noise. Receptively and cognitively - he's well ahead. He gets it.

I started writing this yesterday, as a "whoa-is-me-andmybaby" post. It's bittersweet hearing about other {amazing} kids implanted around the same time as {my also amazing} Aiden, speaking circles around him, graduated from therapy, and well caught up to their typical peers, all knowing we still have quite a road ahead. But, this is OUR JOURNEY; it is what it is, so we continue to move forward, and trust in our hearts he will get there (and he will).  Sometimes I feel I'm all over the board with Aiden. Like nothing's good enough for him. I promise you, it's not that. Yes, I am VERY particular when it comes to any of my kids and their education and success, but I believe every parent should be. But this is different. If it's not working or we're not seeing the support and fight needed to get him to where he needs to be, it's time to move on. We don't have time to "wait and see". Time is of essence at this stage and most importantly, I have to listen to my mommy gut. (and yes, I'm a bit of a control freak).

So we're making some changes.

and here's a glimpse at our new beginnings:

• changing his AV therapist - not because we don't love his therapist (we do), but logistically, on both sides, it wasn't working, and therefore lacked consistency. We will now have a WEEKLY session via the internet with a new AVT. There are so many positive and exciting things about this! More to come.
• changing his school - this sounds crazy, especially with his lack of language, but we're taking him out of his current oral deaf-ed program (which is 5 days a week all day) and placing him into a preschool which is 2 1/2 hours a day for four days a week. He will be the only deaf kid in his class. and it's a good thing. When I get him ready for the bus, he says, "NO mommy, new school!" He loves the new school and we've only visited twice. More to come.
• adding in a weekly (or possibly biweekly) speech therapy through our insurance - he had a wonderful speech therapist at his current school, but he was only allotted 15 minutes a day, 3-4x a week, and usually not one-on-one. I'm also working with his awesome SLP from his IFSP (before 3yo) days, to include her on his IEP to work with him one-on-one once a week, but also as a "push-in" in the classroom with him a couple days a week (in addition to a TOD). So far, the district is very open to requests and ready to work with us to meet Aiden's needs. More to come. 
• continue with our wonderful OT - there's so much I've learned from her about Aiden in the last eight months, and most importantly, Aiden is making HUGE strides. Six months ago, he couldn't stand on one balance bucket, now he can walk across six, WHILE TALKING! I tell her we get a free speech therapy session too when we see her. She's heaven sent and we still have quite the work ahead of us. 
• SOLID at home one-on-one sessions - with the change of school times, I will be able to dedicate myself to him alone. It was near impossible to work with Aiden at night. He didn't get home from school until 4pm, the same time R and K got home, then as I tried to help K with her homework, keep R on track doing his, getting dinner on the table, running to all their after school activities, bath, and bed, there was VERY little (if any) one on one time with Aiden, unless it was reading him his bedtime stories. Changing schools gives back our precious one on one therapy (aka playtime). and I think it's key to moving him forward.

We also have a neurology appt set up in May, just to see if there is something we're missing and hopefully get some answers. Maybe, just maybe, it will help us better understand his EVAS or if there's something else going on and possibly help in our plan going forward. I don't know, only hope.

Three years ago, there's no way I would've thought we'd still be here, with all these therapies, still trying to figure out why some days he speaks in clear 5-6 word sentences, but others we can barely understand a word he says. Why some days he jumps down the steps, but others he needs to hold my hand to get down. I can't waste my days worrying though, I have to keep my faith and know in my heart that he will be okay and that one day it will all come together - verbally, socially, physically. We will keep on keeping on. No regrets.

oh, and by the way, there's one other thing I envisioned almost four years ago - my child walking into a mainstream kindergarten, not feeling different, fitting in right along with all the kids -

and he will. 

Wednesday Workout - Self Advocacy

This is something we've been working on for quite some time and will continue to work on for years to come. For us, it's happened in stages, each stage equally exciting and ones you never forget - so exciting that it's baby book (or blog) material:

1. Does not tear off CI when put on - actually wears it most of day showing he LOVES to hear.
2. When coil falls off, puts coil back on without assistance - showing he LOVES to hear.
3. When whole CI falls off onto floor, actually PICKS it up and brings it to you to put back on - showing he LOVES to hear.
4. ASKS for CI first thing in the morning or right after bath - showing he LOVES to hear.
5. When processor portion falls off ear (coil still connected), comes and says, "My CI! Help please." - showing he hates the feeling of it just dangling ; )
6. Tells you (with words) that the CI has turned off and is not working (although still on ear and coil attached to head) - showing he LOVES to hear.

and not that it ends there. Not even close. In fact, that's just the beginning of true self advocacy - truly letting people know, "Hey, I didn't hear you" and it has to start now. I don't want Aiden to be shy about speaking up for himself. I don't want him to feel apologetic for missing a piece of information because he didn't hear them. If he's having technicalities with his CIs, I want him to speak up and seek out the help he may need to get that technicality fixed. If he's having trouble hearing due to where he's sitting in class, or standing in a room, or whatever the reason may be, I want him to feel comfortable, not embarrassed, to SPEAK up for himself.

Unfortunately, Aiden has come home a few times already this school year with one of his implants OFF. Yes, OFF. We have Aiden's lights turned on for this reason - if they're blinking fast - he's good to go, slow - something's wrong, off - the CIs off. This is all documented in his notebook, with each error code, what the error means, and how to troubleshoot it. I've also met with his teacher before school started and gave a quick demo on them. It's hard to say if it turned off on the bus, was never turned on appropriately after nap (oh the thought!), fell off, and while the teacher or aide was putting it back on it turned off (not totally uncommon when putting it on - that's why it's important to do a quick ling check or check the lights), etc. I've talked with his teacher each time about it, but if it happens again, I will call the principal and ask to come in and explain Aiden's CIs to everyone who he is with throughout the day.

in the meantime ...

I'm teaching Aiden, that HE needs to tell the teacher or the aide or whomever he may be around - "HEY, my CI isn't working."

note: stop the music to the right. sorry it's so small too!

so proud!

Choosing a Preschool

I started looking into preschools for Aiden as soon as we moved to Ohio. Even though Aiden wasn't even two at the time, I wanted to get a good feel for all of our choices. As an AV (auditory-verbal) family, we were hoping that Aiden would be ready for a mainstream preschool since we started this journey, but looking at all our options, decided Aiden would do best in an oral deaf preschool setting for many reasons, the main one being it is what we feel is right for him at this time in his journey AND what is right for our family.

We had many options to look at, from our local district's preschool to the Ohio School for the Deaf (OSD) to a near-by school district's deaf ed program to an auditory oral school to a program that offers both oral and total communication options. We are lucky to have so many options, but the hard part was choosing which one was right for Aiden.

I toured three of these programs, and although I still want to tour OSD (for the experience), it was not an option we considered since they are voices off for a good part of the day (although I have heard they are starting an oral program). We are a completely oral family (with use of basic signs when his CIs are off), and therefore were obviously looking for an oral deaf program.

When looking at preschools, some things I considered were: the educator's expertise/understanding in teaching children with hearing loss, teacher:student ratio, days/hours per week, curriculum, available support services within program, physical and learning environments of classroom, and of course, modes of communication used.

I found THIS checklist very helpful and brought a copy along with me to each preschool visited.

I won't go over what the other preschools offered in our area, but I will say we didn't choose the preschool where 1) one of the teacher aids said to me, "Oh, he has those "ochlear things", 2) I had a hard time understanding one of the teachers, and 3) when I asked if the speech therapist was trained to work with deaf kids and would work with Aiden on language, was told, "Ya, speech, language, same thing." This is why preschool visits are so important.

Here is what the preschool we did choose for Aiden offers:

• Oral program, with classes five days a week from 9:00 to 3:00 (or parent can choose 1/2 day and pick up before nap. He goes half a day now, but next fall he will go all day, and while I still think this is quite a long day for a three year old, the last couple hours are spent napping/resting, which he doesn't do at home, so I figured he'd be a "gentler bear" at home if he gets rest time at school PLUS then the bus will bring him home!)
• Student:Teacher ratio - Preschool One - between 6-8 students with hearing loss to one teacher and full time aid (Aiden's class also has one typical hearing peer); Preschool Two - 8 students with hearing loss and 2 hearing peers to one teacher and one full-time aid.
• All teachers have masters of education degree with concentration in deaf education
• Auditory training and Ling checks done everyday with classroom teacher, individual speech therapy provided twice a week outside of classroom.
• Onsite PT and OT (if evaluation determines these services are needed, they are written into the IEP - which Aiden did qualify for PT and will receive 90 minutes a month)
• Full time audiologist with on-site sound booth
• Morning Message literacy program - a good basic start to literacy focusing on the weather, the calendar, and a message from the teacher to the students. They identify upper vs lower case letters, punctuation, words vs letters during this time. The class also has a daily math or science lesson, story time, and incorporate a particular theme throughout the day (right now their theme is Springtime).
• Specials are also included such as art, music, library time, cooking, and pe.
• Playground is CI friendly - foam instead of mulch, metal slide instead of plastic

We will also continue to see our wonderful AV therapist on our own two times a month and if needed, add back in our speech therapist from our EI days.

I think the most important thing when choosing a setting for any child is feeling it's the right fit and we felt in our hearts this was the right placement for Aiden. It has so much to offer and we're so excited to watch Aiden soar through these next steps in his hearing journey.

First Day of Preschool

(the preschool Aiden attends has completely oral and total communication classes - I LOVE this sign when your first walk into the school)

WOW. This has been an emotional couple of weeks:

• Aiden's last week home with me was last week (he is the only one of my children I've stayed home with so it's been hard to let go)
• Aiden's last therapies with all his wonderful ECI therapists (throughout last week)
• Aiden's second hearing birthday was last Friday (3/11)
• Aiden started preschool yesterday (3/14)
• Aiden's birthday is this Thursday (3/17) - our lil' Irish man is turning THREE! (Speaking of which, will be a GREAT day to unwind from all this and enjoy the parade and green beer with my husband! Oh, and have some birthday cake too! : )

With everything going on, I haven't had time to blog, but guess I'll have some time on my hands now that Aiden's in school half the day. My sidekick is going from toddler to little boy way too fast!

The hardest part is he has to get up so early to catch the bus yet doesn't like to go to sleep at night (last night he was playing in his room until TEN!) At first I said no bus, but my husband put it in perspective for me how far we live from the school, how much gas prices are rising, how I have two other kids to get off to school, how cool Aiden will think it is to ride the bus ... okay, so he won and I agreed to let Aiden ride the bus. I rode with him the first day to make sure it was all good though. and he did GREAT. He LOVED it and it truly does make life easier.

As I walked down to get him from his classroom yesterday afternoon (he will only go half days the rest of this year and then start full days next year), I saw they were still in music class, so of course I stood and watched. There was my Aiden, right in the middle of all the kids (they attend specials - art, music, cooking, library - with all the preschool 1 classes) DANCING with a BIG OL' SMILE on his face. My heart melted. His teacher said there were no tears all day, he got right in with all the kids, and had a GREAT first day! He ran right up to me with a big hug when he saw me, but as I gathered his things, he tried to run back into the music room to be with his classmates! Priceless.

When we got home, I was cleaning out his backpack and came across a picture of a Shamrock he colored. At the top the word "Shamrock" was written and on the bottom the teacher wrote his name. I was complementing him on his coloring when he took it from me, pointed to his name at the bottom, "A-i-d-e-n, Aiden!" (he's been doing this for awhile at home), but then he pointed to the picture and exclaimed, "Shamock!" and proceeded to point to the word at the top, "s-h-a-m-r-o-c-k, shamock!" and smiled ear to ear!

This morning when I got Aiden up, I told him it was time to get ready for school and he said to me, "unchbox and bahpah." He was ready. After breakfast, Aiden eagerly waited for the bus and no tears were shed as I walked off after getting him all buckled in.

Yes, I believe he's going to do just fine. And honestly, this time to myself seems like a pretty good deal!

IEP Meeting Success

We made it through Aiden's IEP meeting without any black eyes. Actually, there weren't any conflicts at all. He qualified for auditory training, speech and language therapy, and physical therapy. Our local school district was very cooperative and didn't bat an eye at any of the services we asked from them, the big one for them to send Aiden to an out of district oral preschool for kids with hearing loss (and will also offer him PT and audiology), including transportation to and from. No problem.

The only thing they really piped up on was in our favor and asked the school personnel at the preschool we chose for Aiden if they had any GT (gifted and talented) services because his cognitive functioning (IQ) was so high. Tell me I wasn't smiling that big ol' proud momma grin.

We didn't sign anything yet because we want to go over it again with our AVT and RIHP (Regional Infant Hearing Program) coordinator. The goals they set are very general at this point. I understand they need the time to evaluate Aiden using their curriculum tests, and after a couple months will have a much better feel for where he's at and how he's performing. I'm okay with this (for now), yet wonder if I should be?!? I mean, he's going to be in a preschool setting where the main focus of everything they do incorporates learning language and learning to listen. I think I am still going to push for some specific ones to be set that we've been working on at home though. The good thing is, is that he'll only be there half days (five days a week) for 2 1/2 months until summer break and then we'll call another IEP at the beginning of next school year to update his goals and objectives. At that point, they'll know Aiden and together, we can come up with more specific goals that can also include his growth over the summer.

We set a start date of March 14th, three days before his third birthday. At the end we walked down to meet his teacher. Aiden walked right in, took a look around (the kids were just getting up from nap), tore off his jacket and headed over to lay down like the other 5 or 6 kids were doing (very small classes!). He didn't want to leave. My heart melted.

A smooth IEP meeting PLUS watching Aiden walk right in like he's been there forever EQUALS tons of stress off mom's shoulders. Still having trouble letting go, but definitely less stressed! Now if I can only get through my daughter's process this easy.

More on the evaluation, transition, IEP process to come! Oh, and on the preschool we selected.

My Sidekick

How do you go from this,

to this,

to this

in what seems like overnight.

In the blink of an eye, my binky baby has turned into a little boy,

and it makes my eyes water.

This week Aiden had therapy with our Regional Infant Hearing Program advisor, who happens to office out of the elementary school that houses the hearing impaired program for preschool and kindergarten. This program is also an option for us to try and send Aiden to, as long as our school district agrees. Instead of therapy though, his therapist and I talked while Aiden played.

Aiden turns three on St. Patty's Day. What does that mean besides the fact that my BABY is growing up WAY too fast?

It means that he will no longer receive Early Intervention services through our county (which pays for his PT, OT, one of his speech therapies, and provides extra funds for community classes such as the music therapy class he's taking at the time).

It means we have scheduled a multi-factored evaluation (MFE), in order to determine if Aiden is eligible for public school special needs preschool (in which we have multiple options of preschools the district MAY agree to send him to that we've been visiting).

It means transitioning from an IFSP (Individualized FAMILY Service Plan) to an IEP (Individualized EDUCATION Plan).

It means Aiden will be under someone else's wing learning language and socialization skills, making friends, having fun, and carrying his "bapac" (backpack) and "uhnba" (lunchbox),

and as excited as I am to think about the benefits he'll receive at whichever preschool setting we choose, and all the fun he's going to have at "sool", and how much language he'll learn, and how much he'll grow all around ...

it all also means I'm just not ready to let my baby go.

It means every time I think about it, my eyes water.

It means that I need to put on my big girl panties and know it's time to let go and let him come out from under momma's wing and gain the independence he is OH SO ready for.

I had no problem sending my older two. None. Nada. Nilch. I don't even think I got tears (not until I saw my oldest walk out the door to middle school).

but now, every time I think about it, I get teary eyed.

So I talked to my therapist, I mean my sister-in-law, and she brought up some very good points.

As many know, barely two months before Aiden was born my dad died from a long, yet fairly quick bout of dementia. He was 55 and way too young. I knew something was wrong with him and worried about him as we tried to figure things out going from doctor to doctor for a good four plus years, took him into my home (on and off) the last two years, and then ran from assisted living to hospitals to nursing homes the last four months. It wasn't easy. At all. I fought (and worked) with doctors, nursing homes, nurses, insurance agencies, and psychologists. I took care of him the best I could. He was my sidekick.

Then two months later Aiden was born. I remember telling my dad the summer I found out I was pregnant. He did a happy dance around the living room. Four months later, he'd make mention of "the baby" but didn't really get it. Three months later, he was gone. I knew Aiden was going to be my strength to carry on. What I didn't know was all I had ahead of me and how much advocating for my dad made me a stronger person and better able to deal with the advocating which was yet to come.

and that's exactly what I've been doing for nearly the last three years. Making sure my deaf son receives the best medical/hearing teams possible to provide him the chance to hear and a life of listening and spoken language; running from audiology appointments all over the state every two to four weeks for nearly a year until his maps are finally right; getting second opinions when that mom instinct kicks in and knows something still isn't right even though "the professionals" say everything is fine; running to therapy after therapy appointment; talking, talking, talking about every.little.thing in order to provide a language rich environment and making EVERYTHING (yes, everything) we do an "experience" to soak his brain with nouns, adjectives, verbs, prepositions, etc. to TEACH him (over and over and over again) something that would seem so simple and that any typical hearing child learns through incidental listening.

For nearly the past three years, it's been him and I,

He's become my sidekick.

Learning, growing, experiencing,

EVERYTHING

TOGETHER.

and honestly, I'm scared. The one person who filled my dad's void is growing up. It's not that he doesn't need me anymore, but more the fact that someone else will be teaching him besides me. I didn't have this problem when he went to The River School in DC, but that was more like the ultimate mommy's day out two times a week. I know I could wait and keep him home another year, but again, I know preschool is the best option for him and believe me, as ready as I seem not to be, I am willing myself to be, because I know how much he'll benefit and how much fun he'll have.

But deep down inside, my stomach knots up and I get a lump in my throat with the thought about not having my sidekick, day in and day out, who means the world to me to take care of and play with and teach and love on all day long.

But I'm sure, deep down inside, there's a part of me who will learn to enjoy

the time away from each other and the tears won't last long.

and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to fill that void,

and take this long overdue time alone to find myself

and rediscover who I am, as my own person,

without a sidekick.

Ready or Not?

Aiden's ready. I'm not.

Last year at this time, we drove a good hour plus two times a week for Aiden to attend the program at The River School in Washington D.C. It was well worth the drive, as the program there is PHENOMENAL, but I truly don't think Aiden was completely ready for it all. He was the youngest in the class (by a few months), he still wasn't walking, he wanted nothing to do with circle time, he'd cry almost every time I dropped him off, and would cling to me the rest of the afternoon after I picked him up. Yet, even with all this, he grew a lot, and I learned a lot, in the short three months he was there.

When we moved to Ohio, I decided to not enroll him in any type of preschool program, but to enjoy my every moment with him (most likely being my last child) and prepare him better for his preschool days. Plus, we moved into a county with an amazing early intervention program and were able to take advantage of many extras such as music therapy, Little Gym, multiple focus play groups, and a weekly toddler play group all funded by the program and still get in structured playtime with other kids his age.

I'm glad we made this decision. I LOVE my days with him and he's really come a LONG way. Today, he doesn't shed a tear when I drop him off for play group, he's talking SO much more, and receptively he understands so much more. He's done a complete 360 when it comes to keeping his attention to the task at hand and to structure all around. He's growing up. He's ready.

and not only is he ready socially, but very much cognitively as well.

WARNING - Mommy Brag Moment: he counts to 15, recognizes and names the numerals 0 to 10, knows all his shapes and identifies what shape an object is (i.e. his Lego table is a "sware"), knows all his colors, says the abcs, and can recognize and say around 7-10 letters, is completing simple patterns, etc.

My little explorer is ready to go, no matter how much his mommy is not ready to let him go.

I am so proud of him.

(note: turn off music to the right. and I apologize, but I am having trouble captioning right now, but will try again soon.)

this video was taken over a month ago.

and although I think I'm not ready to send him off, that I'll miss him terribly, that he's still too young, that he's my last child and I need to hold on to every.single.minute with him ... I'm sure it won't be TOO terribly hard to find the fun and joy of some mommy alone time.

hmmmmm.

When can he start?

Preschool Tours ... Already?!?

Just months after Aiden's cochlear implants were activated, he discovered the sound of an airplane as we sat watching his brother's baseball game. I was lucky enough to hear the plane ahead of him and had camera in hand, ready to capture the moment, praying he heard it too. Sure enough, he was astonished, staring into the sky, HEARING it, as he watched it fly over. I marked another simply amazing moment on my never ending list as tears rolled down my face.

Fast forward to today and I just cannot believe we are at the point that Aiden's daddy and I will be touring, at the least, three different preschools to send Aiden to AND are beginning the process of transitioning him from an IFSP to an IEP, which will happen once Aiden turns three. Where has the time gone?

All my life I've been one to cram. I was the college student who wrote every paper at the very last minute; the one who studied zero all week until the night before the test and then pulled all nighters with my two liter of Mountain Dew by my side. This is not the time to cram, although I'm getting close to that mark. Now that we're only five months out from Aiden's third birthday, the time is NOW to understand all I can about the laws, the terminologies, our RIGHTS, the procedures, what we want written into his IEP, etc, to a "TEE" in order to be able to stand up and speak intelligibly for what we know is best for our little listener.

I saved this Preschool Placement Checklist for Deaf/Hard of Hearing Kids from Drew's mom quite awhile back, knowing I would use it one day. I plan to fill it out during each visit to help us in choosing the right preschool fit for Aiden and our family. We did consider touring some mainstream preschools in our area, and we still may. We feel pretty strong though that what Aiden needs at this time is a deaf oral preschool program. We feel a placement in this type of program will definitely benefit him and help reach our goal to have him mainstreamed by kindergarten. I'm excited about all the tours and love the fact that we have different deaf oral preschool options. Options are always a good thing.

Aside from choosing the correct preschool program, we know there is MUCH, MUCH more to this whole transition process. I would love any additional tips, advice, websites, suggestions, etc that you can share that helped make the transition to an IEP easier for you and your family. I'm getting too old to cram it all in last minute ... and Mountain Dew just isn't my thing anymore.

IEP Goal Bank

Another CI mom, from THIS blog, shared a wonderful site with all us other CI moms and dads on the CICircle and Listen-Up forums through Yahoo Groups. This IEP Goal Bank is a wonderful site to use for those currently going through an IEP process or to bookmark for a future IEP. It provides an IEP Goal/Objective Template, it gives examples of specific goals from articulation, to auditory processing, to language etc. It also has additional links to explore for activity/material ideas too.

Although we're not going through this process right now, it is not too far away and I am gathering as much information as possible to be armed and ready when the time does come (which is next January). There is so much involved in an IEP process and as Aiden's mom and dad, it is up to us to make sure he gets what he needs and I think this is a great informative site to help parents along.

If you have any other sites you have found helpful during the IEP process, please share them in the comments section.

One of Those Weeks

When we started this journey over a year and a half ago I knew I was in for some extremely hard work, sincere dedication, and definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions. Eighteen months ago I watched all these videos of deaf/hoh children and they provided me great hope - tremendous hope that one day my son would babble, tell me "I love you", yell at his siblings, all because he could HEAR through the miracle of Cochlear Implants. I know they say "EACH CHILD IS DIFFERENT .... never compare your child to another ... blah, blah, blah." I TRY MY HARDEST NOT TO, but how can you not.

I'm down on myself right now and I hate writing these posts, BUT, I think the reality of having a deaf/hoh child is that you have these days, no getting around them. I have reasons for being Miss Debbie Downer right now, which I'll get to. I truly believed that by the time my son was this age that he'd be further than he is ... because I've watched the videos, I've talked to moms.

I attend Auditory Verbal Therapy with him, I've put my career on hold and have become his full time mommy/primary therapist, I take him to an oral school so he can be around hearing peers for a language model along with their awesome language theme based program, I have a TOD and PT come to our house every other week, I read other's blogs and talk to other mommies to get ideas, I work, work, work, and work with my son (I mean PLAY, PLAY, PLAY), all to get these dang reports that make me wonder if I'm truly doing enough ... and now I'm finding out that we need to integrate even more therapies into our days ...

... and it is SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!

It all started Tuesday. Aiden has OT right after his class to help him with his gross motor skills (they don't have a PT program at the school, but still wanted to work with him). After his OT services, the therapist told me Aiden is having some fine motor skill issues and would benefit from at least an hour and a half of OT services per week. Great. Add it to the list.

THEN on the way home I open up the audiology report containing Aiden's soundbooth results.

NOTE TO ALL MOMS ... FOLLOW YOUR GUT! YOU ARE RIGHT! NO ONE KNOWS YOUR CHILD BETTER THAN YOU!

As I've written in the past, I was not happy at all with Aiden's last soundbooth/mapping appointment back in Sept. Going from 15-20 db across all frequencies to 25-30db was not okay with me. Plus I felt he just didn't react in the soundbooth like he normally does. I didn't feel good about any of it. I brought up my concerns with the audiologist (which wasn't his typical one), but was told things were just fine, he's doing great, 30 db is wonderful blah, blah, blah ... and I accepted it and went home, knowing my little rockstar had been at 15 to 20db since his first soundbooth after activation.

I then brought my concerns to his school audiologist to get a second opinion. She took our case history and got Aiden in the soundbooth as soon as she could, but he wouldn't perform. Then he had three ear infections, the flu, and respiratory issues all within the month. Finally last week, Aiden was cooperative, but she wanted to confirm her results the following school day - which was this past Tuesday.

When I looked at the results on my ride home my eyes just welled up with tears. I had known something wasn't right. Aiden flatlined at 40DB with his left ear, and with his right ear was at 30db/500hz, 55DB/1,000hz, and no response from there on out. My stomach hurt.

THE NEXT DAY (yesterday) we had an appt. at Hopkins with Aiden's primary audiologist and his school audiologist joined us there. His soundbooth results were better, but not much. The results showed he definitely needed some program changes, especially in the right ear where he was getting very little high frequency sounds. All I could think of was how we had to move forward ... don't think of the past, it was over.

Let's hope it's fixed. He'll be tested next week at school to verify he's still responding and then return to Hopkins in three weeks to check his maps again. We left there with four programs, one for noise, and two additional ones to work with if we feel he comes to another standstill. So glad his audi is back.

FAST FORWARD to today, parent-teacher conferences at Aiden's school. As we headed there, I read over the three page typed report from his teachers. There were A LOT of positives and he has transitioned well into a preschool setting. He likes school. But there's so much he needs to work on. A small example:

• Aiden does not yet respond to peers who approach him without prompts from the teacher. While cruising around the classroom he requires prompts to shift his attention to notice where his peers are and navigate his way around them.
• Aiden rarely turns to his name when called in the classroom (noise factor?) His teachers often have quite a bit of difficulty gaining his attention.
• Aiden is not yet finding items on request and requires physical prompts to follow routine directions.
• Aiden has difficulty attending to teacher directed activities even for a brief period of time (ex. reading a book).
• Aiden has very inconsistent visual attention to fine motor tasks which makes it more difficult for him to complete these tasks and sometimes requires cues to look at the toy while he plays.

I can't help but look at this, plus others that were listed and cringe. One part of me thinks I started him too early in school ... he should be at home with me. But then, how much farther would he be behind next year or the year after? The bigger part of me KNOWS these concerns need to be addressed now. He needs to start learning NOW to compensate for his hearing loss and learn how to be successful in an oral, mainstream classroom, with noise. I want him to learn these communication/cognitive/social development skills NOW as to not further delay him in his hearing and speaking.

All of this has been such a huge reminder that my child is DEAF and even with Cochlear Implants he is going to have challenges ... not just now, but always. and today, I.hated.it.

I couldn't take anymore. We did discuss ways I can work, I mean PLAY, with him at home to help in these areas, but I'm feeling so spent. We're all hoping that a lot of these areas are due to his not hearing very well the past couple of months and that this revamp in his maps will increase his activity in the classroom as well as with his language.

THEN on the way home I opened up his Speech and Language Evaluation. Why do I do this to myself?!? I'm not even going to go there now. I'll write about it after his IEP meeting next Tuesday. I'll just say they weren't great. Definitely not what we see at home and reinforced my son is having trouble communicating in a group setting.

To end my day, I had a Dr. appointment for Aiden's sister to start her on ADHD meds (this is after a full evaluation including IQ and cognitive tests etc). By this time though I was done with any type of "test" results. While we were there I had them perform a basic hearing test (beeps and headphones) ... I wanted to rule everything out. Well, she was at 20 db in her left and at 40db in her right?!?! The Dr. said it could've been an attention issue. The test took five minutes, I know she has trouble sitting still, but not for 5 minutes! I have an email into our audiologist.

To overcome the whole day, on the way home we turned up the tunes, and JAMMED the whole way home ... SINGING our hearts out. I needed that. and the glasses of wine haven't hurt much either.

First Day of School for My Little Caterpillar

Yesterday was Aiden's first day in the toddler program at The River School! They have two classes for his age that meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and he is in the Caterpillar/Butterfly class. I've already said it, but I just can't say it enough, this school is AMAZING! Now, I think I may be a little nutso for taking him here, because to get there, which is 37 miles from our house, took over TWO HOURS ... with the last four miles taking a good half hour! I obviously need to find a new route because that's just pure insanity. The drive home was MUCH better though and we were home within 45 minutes. So, needless to say, Aiden was late for his first day ... oh well, we'll get it down.

On our way to school!

Aiden's cubby with the caterpillar he colored at the teacher's homevisit.

Aiden had a wonderful first day! For the last week, we've been talking to him about school and showing him pictures of his teachers, the classroom, and the playground to help prepare him for the transition. Once in his classroom, he immediately wanted to get down and play and from then on, he didn't look up more than twice to see if we were still there. He was good to go. His speech pathologist told us he cried a total of five minutes for the three and a half hours there. Pretty good for a boy who's never left his mommy's side!

"I'll be just fine mom and dad!"

Snack time!

I LOVE to draw!

Here's what Aiden did on his first day (per an email from his teachers, which we will receive each day detailing specific activities from class):

• Sensory Table - Use cups to scoop and pour colored water.
• Circle Time - Teachers will introduce our name song and we will meet a caterpillar and a butterfly puppet.
• Dramatic play/theme - We will play with caterpillar and butterfly puppets and pretend to feed them the food from the story of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar".
• Art - We will use dot markers to decorate caterpillars for our classroom window.
• Books - "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle and our class book, "Caterpillar, Caterpillar, Who Do You See?"
• Mouth Time - We will have fun with bubbles and introduce our Mouth Time character.

The day ends with some fun playground time!

Aiden was very excited to see us at the end of class. After his daddy picked him up, he took one look at his teachers, waved bye-bye and blew them a kiss. The boy was ready to go. He was asleep within five minutes in the car. They wore him out!

Oh, and a lot of these pictures of him throughout the day came from his teachers to us in an email, detailing Aiden's first day! Did I tell you how excited I am for my little monkey?!?