just saying ...

... most of the time it's fine. In fact, more than most of the time you

don't think twice about it. second nature like.

Get up in the morning, put on his cochlear implants,

just as you put on his clothes.

Talk to him, listen to him,

COMMUNICATE THROUGH SPOKEN LANGUAGE.

Therapy at the kitchen table becomes an everyday thing.

You call your husband excited about the discovery of a new word or sound,

and you cherish the moment together.

CIs are now a part of everyday life; a new normal.

as time goes on, you get past all "the looks and stares".

you THANK GOD ev-er-y.day for the miracle of CIs and

all the differences they've made in your child's life and

all the opportunities they've brought (and will continue to bring);

you THANK GOD ev-er-y.day for the fact that he can HEAR

and that when you talk to him, he comprehends,

even if he doesn't LISTEN to a word you're saying,

you know he HEARS you.

and when you confirm your initial thoughts, (and the equipment is just fine),

you chuckle, because he's no different than your two hearing kids,

in the fact that he TOTALLY has learned listening is a choice.

and you know it's the actual hearing part where the miracle began.

and mostly, there's this constant giddiness because of it all.

BUT, there are still THOSE moments,

MOMENTS, that may last a minute, sometimes an hour,

sometimes more than a few hours,

sometimes a whole freakin' day ...

WHERE IT ALL SUCKS.

Where all you can do is WONDER and WORRY,

about what's to come.

He's only THREE

hearing, two years.

You've come such a long way, yet have such a long way to go.

and of course you worry. Not all the time. Not a lot of the time,

but there are some times, you worry much more than others.

and sometimes that worry is hard to shoo away.

and even as you hear him talk to his siblings, or know he responds

as you call his name from upstairs and he's downstairs,

down the hall in the back room with the tv on,

there are still moments of worry ...

...what's to come when he's 6 and is not in an oral deaf program

with kids who are "like him", because you've worked so hard for him

to be a part of a mainstream classroom and

even harder that he NOT be defined by his hearing loss,

YET, all the six year olds see him as different.

Not only because of the equipment on his head, but

because it's much harder for him to listen and take it all in.

and you just pray and pray the teacher

teaches the class about UNIQUENESS.

not just his first year teacher in mainstream school,

but every teacher and every year thereafter.

...what's to come when he's 8 and he really starts to see himself as different,

and tells you he hates being deaf or asks why he has to be deaf,

when no one else in his family is;

or is scared to speak his voice to tell someone, "I didn't hear you," or

"Can you please repeat what you said?" because he doesn't want to stand out,

in fear of drawing more attention to himself when

honestly it wasn't his choice of not wanting to listen,

but the mere fact that he just didn't hear.

...what's to come when he's 10, and there are sleepovers.

and yes, he's been accepted, because you do everything.in.your.power

to make him a part of the community and to be included,

you advocate, you teach, you empower.

BUT, he's still DEAF and at the sleepover, he's not sure if he should

take off his CIs so not to miss out on the craziness that may go on after he

falls asleep and can't hear a thing.

...what's to come when he's a young teenager and all the kids are

going through puberty. the time when it's a known fact

that kids tease other kids,

and making fun of someone's differences is one way

of ignoring/getting past their own insecurities,

no matter how wrong it is.

you pray he has a good sense of humor, some good come backs,

and that it's not him who is the insecure one.

...what's to come when he's in his late teens and heading off to college,

to a WHOLE NEW community new to his world.

Having to take classes in HUGE auditoriums,

with 100's of classmates, and be able to understand

and keep up with everything the professor is saying.

because honestly, does the professor really care if he's getting it or not?

OR when he's in his college dorms and everyone is running out

because the fire alarm is going off and he's fast asleep, without his CIs on.

will someone stop to take the time to wake him?

You continuously teach him to be his own biggest advocate,

but even in doing so, you constantly pray and hope you are also teaching him

to always be proud of who he is and to use his voice.

as it is his voice that you've worked so hard at achieving.

it is his voice that you are thankful for everyday,

right along with every.single.ounce of hard work teaching him

to not just "hear", but to LISTEN.

just saying.

it's not easy.

I'm his mom. and no matter what,

I will always worry about the "small things",

that truly,

aren't.that.small.

for the LOVE of brothers

one of my favorites of my boys

Last night as I was cleaning up the dinner dishes,

Ryan and his girlfriend, Anna,

were playing with Aiden in the living room.

Aiden ADORES Anna (or "nana" as he calls her).

He adores his brother too, BUT,

when Anna's around, he's all about the girls.

SO cute.

Out of the blue, I hear Aiden yell at Ryan,

"Ryan stop! No mommy's phone!"

count them - FIVE words - TOGETHER.

each one of them, CLEAR.AS.DAY.

an AMAZING possessive.

and exclamation points galore.

WAY TO GO BUDDY!

He knew Ryan wasn't supposed to have my phone without asking,

let everyone know it,

and marched it right back over to me.

Actually, he's been onto Ryan a lot lately,

(ryan loves to mess with him),

so Aiden's phrase of the month has been,

"Ryan, please stop!"

Ryan's been feeling the wrath of Aiden lately.

Later that night, after Kailyn was through reading

Aiden his bedtime books,

the four of us sat in Aiden's room chit-chatting.

Aiden ran over to his brother,

jumped on his belly, threw his arms around Ryan's neck,

planted a HUGE kiss on his cheek, and said,

"I wuv you Ryan!"

Needless to say, we all went to bed

smiling ear to ear.

especially Ryan.

**LOVE**

crazy busy days

dear blog,

i truly do love you dearly,

but i love creating memories to write

about even more.

i promise i'll be back soon,

but until then, just a glimpse of the

memories being made.

a very special girl's first communion

and her cousin's (aka bff's)

(note how the girls are being goofy as Aiden shows them how they should be posing)

a very kick butt first communion party for the two princesses,

even if it did rain the whole time and

all the kids were covered in mud by the end of the night

a trip to the farm with aiden's class

(and one to the zoo, pictures on their way)

tumble/cheer class recitals

(note: putting make up on a 10 yr old for the first time is.not.fun)

spending as much time outdoors discovering, climbing, playing

(which I may still need to build that ark with all this rain)

and most of all ...

mom's here.

and when mom visits, I cherish each little moment of her!

see you soon.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I seem to start all these posts with "It's been a crazy week", so I won't this time. This month HAS BEEN INSANE and it's not going to stop until summer break gets here. My calendar is screaming out in pain with the heaviness of all the ink! (YAY me though for actually getting this out on Tuesday!)

2. I'm busy finalizing odds and ends for the "Royal Princesses", I mean, my niece's and Kailyn's First Communion party this Saturday. When it's all said and done, we will have celebrated three Confirmations (two of my nephews' and Ryan's) and two First Communions, all within two months. Things Remembered has become my best friend.

3. Last week Aiden had AVT on Thursday and then audiology on Friday. Not a big deal if we didn't drive over an hour to AV and two hours to audiology. Gas prices + an SUV = one stressed out momma. Thank God we have family close by to camp out at.

4. Speaking of insane gas prices, I'm trying to cut down on my errand running and do more online. What is your favorite online (and practical) place(s) to shop?

5. Write it down in the baby book! Aiden cooperated for the whole audiology appointment! This was our last appointment until we head HERE, so I was SO thankful we got across the board results on the left, right, and bilaterally with a very cooperative three year old! (more to come on this in a separate post).

6. My mom will be here this week for Kailyn's First Communion and I cannot wait! She'll be with us for a whole week after. This will be the first time ever that I get to spend time with her A-L-O-N-E! I've either always worked while she visits OR one (or all) of the kids are home with me. Hmmm .... wonder what room we can redecorate/paint? (hint-hint)

7. Two field trips with Aiden's class are in my near future. Tomorrow we're visiting all the new babies at the farm and next week we're heading to the zoo. Fun fun!

8. I'm in the process of building an ark. Yes, an ark. This rain has been non.stop.and.I'm so.over.it! Yesterday we were given a 70 degree clear skies teaser day. I was so excited until I looked at the ten day forecast: rain, thunderstorms, repeat.fortenstraightdays. I thought I moved to Ohio, not Washington. Bright side - our grass is very green!

9. and with all this rain, brings all these weeds (in a field by our house), in which Aiden has become the official weed picker ... in his sister's shoes ... and jammie bottoms ... with crazy hair.

10. In the midst of all my craziness, I decided very last minute to take a mental health day (yes, I need these as a stay at home mom even more so then when I worked for a paycheck). and after those "oh so fun" state standardized tests last week, I let my daughter take one too. We started our day with a pedicure, had lunch at her favorite restaurant, then came home and enjoyed the sun as we prettied up the driveway with chalk. It was AWESOME and our piggies are flip flop ready!

The Toothless Wonder

When Aiden's right top front tooth came in, it had a little brown spot on it. Since my oldest son's tooth did the same thing, (and I was told it was only a discoloration on the tooth), I didn't think much of it. His pediatrician confirmed my lack of worry. Unlike Ryan's though (who has never even had a cavity), Aiden's started to decay and part of his tooth broke away.

In preparation for the dentist, I first took him with the rest of us for our six month cleaning. I let him sit in the big chair and then held him as our family dentist looked in his mouth. She said it could have happened from an antibiotic I took while pregnant, decalcification in the tooth before it even came in, or for no explainable reason, and referred us to a pediatric dentist.

practicing his "ah's" before the dentist comes in

After his quick visit, I talked to him for a couple weeks about the dentist. We'd look at pictures on the Internet, we'd practice by laying on the couch and saying "ahhhh", and then we'd look at more pictures (and when there was a picture of a little boy not opening his mouth, Aiden would tell him, "no, no! say ahhhh!") He was all ready today for our visit and he did WONDERFULLY.

He didn't want to sit in the mini chair by himself, so he sat on my lap and watched Chuggington above him. Everything the dentist asked Aiden to do, he did immediately. They even x-rayed his front teeth, which they told him to "bite down on it (the film) like a cracker and hold it tight with your teeth.", and he did it twice without me having to say a word.

We had two choices with the "boo-boo tooth": 1) cap it - which would've entailed scraping it out, filling it, possible root canal, then capping it, which meant SEDATION which could take up to an hour or 2) pull it using a little numbing gel and a small shot which would take a total of FIVE minutes.

The tooth fairy is coming a little early.

He sat in my lap. He couldn't see me. I held his hands in mine. I was reassured knowing that even though he couldn't see me, he could HEAR me. I was able to talk to him and COMFORT him during the whole five minute, which seemed like forever, process. and he did great. Definitely some tears, but he didn't fight it. Once again, so thankful for his cochlear implants and the gift they give. I couldn't imagine going through this without them.

and now we have,

our toothless wonder.

Of course we went for ice cream and got a balloon right after. I just pray this visit doesn't ruin the whole dental experience for our next visit, but he'll talk about the experience without a problem, which is definitely a good sign.

A Special Community

The day I started this blog, was the first day I took a deep breath, somewhat a sigh of relief, or a sigh of acceptance more to speak, over Aiden's deafness. It was after spending days upon days reading many other's stories reassuring myself everything was going to be okay. It was the day I said to myself, "OK, here we go." I started this as a journal, not only for myself, but for others. I wanted to be true to myself and to anyone who followed my emotional and physical roller coaster, of what was to be Aiden's story, on our journey to help him hear and speak.

I open(ed) my heart, sharing my deepest thoughts, heartaches, simply.amazing moments, lessons learned, milestones reached; sharing each small step taken, each set back, each triumph, has all helped me release my feelings. It was (and still is) my best therapy. In the same sense, I wanted to reach out to other families who were going through the same thing (whether before me, with me, or after me) - I wanted to be a part of a community who knew what I was going through, but even more so, to give back to a community that helped me see the light and provided me the strength I needed to move on.

I hope(d) Aiden's story would provide someone a sense of relief, a sense of "it's ok to cry my eyes out and say this all sucks!", a sense of HOPE that their child (or grandchild or niece or nephew or friend) may hear and speak one day too.

I want(ed) to provide an avenue of lessons learned and resources, but more than anything I want(ed) to provide the truths of a journey that is not an easy one, not a quick one, yet a simply.amazing one with a lot of hard work and true dedication.

Every once in awhile I'll receive comments on my blog, comments on Aiden's You Tube videos, a Facebook message, or an email from a new parent/professional/relative. Sometimes the emails are asking specific questions, sometimes they're thanking me for sharing Aiden's story, other times they're introducing themselves and their journey; a lot of times they are filled with emotion and I wish I could just reach out and hug the person. Each one touches my heart. Each one means a lot and I can only hope that my words back provide some sense of relief and guidance. There is a whole community out there once you become a parent or relative or any acquaintance of a deaf child. A whole new community to take a hold of and never let go.

We provide each other support and hugs when another is down - whether it's someone just starting the journey or it's three years into the journey and it's just one of those "I know my child's deaf and it still sucks" kinda days; and we provide each other high fives and more hugs when a child meets a milestone; we share tears in both happy, sad, and angry moments; we provide each other ideas when we feel like we've hit a brick wall. We watch each other's children grow up. and most of the time, we've never even met, but friendships are made, relationships are built ... ones that I truly cherish and know will last a lifetime.

we provide each other our arms of acceptance that, "I know exactly what you're going through and I will always be here for you," that not everyone looking into our world truly understands.

This community is beyond amazing.

I received a message that touched my heart on Facebook a little while back. This amazing person is from Italy and had been following Aiden's journey. As I read her message to my husband and mother-in-law, I was moved to tears. Here's a little piece of it.

"... my nephew was diagnosed only last march (he was 18 months old ) with profound hearing loss in both ears. He was born deaf like Aiden. Six months of hearing aids followed with practically no results and then last October he received Cochlear implant in his right ears . He has been hearing for 5 months by now and we have made good progress: he turns when we call his name and he's starting to say something ( vowels sounds, “pa” “ma”) He can hear now and that really is amazing and a miracle but sometimes it is so hard. ... I am so worried about him ... I would like to be able to find listening activities that may interest him and help him to speak more, I would like to be able to do much more to help him and his parents in this journey toward sounds and some days progress seems so slow ... then I read Aiden's blog and you can't imagine how this help, how encouraging it is to read about your journey and Aiden progress and success and well I really would like to thank you so much for sharing all this ....

I posted Aiden's video on my facebook homepage since it is so encouraging and I wanted my brother and sister in law ,and everyone else who don't know anything about being deaf, to see it and what amazing miracles can happen with a lot of hard work. You have a great family, Aiden is a lovely fantastic boy and you are a great mom and I really want to say thank you thank you thank you :)"

My eyes leak whenever I read this. One, it takes me right back to the beginning days, but even more so, this is a woman who has so much love for her nephew and has taken the time to research, to understand, to LEARN, to reach out in this vast support community. She is his aunt (his AUNT!) who has become one of this little boy's biggest advocates! I don't know this family, but I know this little boy is one lucky child to have an aunt who loves him so much and who will stop at nothing to help him hear and speak. HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!? and that's why my eyes leak.

and that's also why I love being a part of this community and being able to give back through our story.

Here's another message I just received this morning on Aiden's You Tube page from the video I made for Aiden's first hearing birthday, From Silence to Sound.

"This is absolutely adorable! I have hearing aids and have had them since kindergarten, and I've always felt different from everyone else. Until, of course I got to know my aunt who is also hearing impaired. But, even still, that feeling still remains, just at a slighter level. This little boy has given me an inspiration though. He has showed me that it's okay to be different, because that's what make you, you. Thank you so much for this video! :)"

and this is why I write, why I share Aiden's story through words and video. Not only to be a part of an AMAZING support group and for my own therapeutic benefits, but even more to see how his story is giving back, ENCOURAGING, providing HOPE and INSPIRATION, just as so many others continue to encourage and inspire and provide hope and guidance to me.

and for all of you, I am thankful.

Ten on Tuesday (or Thursday - late again!)

C'mon Spring!

1. I am right in the middle of cleaning out the kid's winter clothes to see what they need for Spring/Summer. I am so blessed that my mom is a wonderful end of season shopper and all the loot she gets the kids for the next year. Aiden is totally set with tons of outfits, Kailyn just needs a few pair of shorts, and Ryan, well, he's another story.

2. Ryan's getting at that age where I don't even want to buy him anything because I usually have to bring it right back. I did buy him some nice cargo shorts and polos the other day and was surprised to see him wearing them to school. He's such a basketball shorts with t-shirt type of kid. He looked so handsome and I choked up at how much my first born is growing up (and has now surpassed my height - oh my).

3. Less than 7 weeks left of school until summer break. Where did this year go?!? Do you realize I'm going to have a 10th grader, a 5th grader, and a preschooler next year?!? Where does the time go?!? I'm not old enough to have a 10th grader! lol

4. IEP #2 is on the way. We won our fight with Kailyn's school and they finally tested her. We're thankful she does not have a learning disability, but the tests did reveal some other areas of struggle, which I'd been trying to tell them about all along. Why do some districts assume they know your child better than you?!? So effin' frustrating.

5. We had a beautiful Easter! Aiden had so much fun finding all the eggs. Unfortunately though, the Easter Bunny hid Kailyn's basket in the oven and in my hurry to get brownies in before church and before the kid's got up, I turned the oven on without realizing the basket was in there. Thank God Kailyn's daddy turned it off before it was totally preheated and nothing caught fire, BUT in the end, Kailyn's big 'ol chocolate bunny looked like the Wicked Witch of the East and was nothing but feet. Not cool (literally).

6. Funny story #2: The day before Easter I took the kids to the mall and stopped to see the Easter Bunny. While waiting, Kailyn whispers, "So mom, are you and dad really the Easter Bunny?" to which I tried to ignore in a line full of little kids and nonchalantly changed the subject and started talking about the cute baby in front of us. Kailyn then asks, "So mom, how do babies get in your belly anyways?" No more long lines with this girl.

7. Bella has an ear infection. Do you realize how NOT fun it is to try and put drops in a puppy's ears? She bit the vet. Thank goodness she worships me enough not to bite when I put them in. Guess the old saying is true, "Never bite the hand that feeds you."

8. We are loving Aiden's school! After a few weeks there, Aiden knows his days of the week (we've also been doing them in AVT and at home)! He recites them from Sunday right up to Saturday and when asked to find one out of order, he points right to it! Also, everyday when we leave he'll tell his teacher (Mrs. J), "Bye-bye J!" So cute!

9. In a couple weeks Kailyn will be making her First Holy Communion. This is a sacrament that is typically made in the second grade, but with all our moving the past couple of years, Kailyn's making it a little late. It has worked out perfectly though, because my niece (and Kailyn's BFF) is making hers this year too. SO my SIL and I are in the process of planning a nice celebration for our gals and their special day! It's going to be amazing!

10. I've been watching the horrible news about the weather down south and keeping all the families there in my thoughts and prayers. The weather everywhere lately has been insane and I can only hope it calms down for a nice peaceful summer.

Hope all of you have a beautiful weekend!