New Beginnings

As we approach Aiden's third hearing birthday (and fourth birthday - WOW), I have to say that I never thought we'd be where we are today. I envisioned that all therapy would be behind us, except for check-ins here and there; that he'd be talking in full blown sentences, excited to tell me all about his day at school; that he'd be making up stories with details galore and talking so fast I have to tell him to slow down; that he'd be singing songs from front to finish as he danced around the living room. I envisioned he'd be at least caught up, if not beyond, his hearing peers, both receptively and expressively. To me, this wasn't a doubt. It's where we'd be.

But I was wrong. What I didn't envision is that he'd have social/pragmatic challenges; I didn't see us in weekly OT sessions for sensory processing and praxis challenges that not only effect many motor tasks, but things (that seem) as simple as multiple syllable words and sentence production; that we'd need a speech therapist on top of our AVT in order to close the gap on articulation challenges and to help him expressively speak, what he knows, more intelligibly. I never knew just how much work it is to talk and if all the "systems" aren't planning and working together, talking is one of the most difficult tasks even for a hearing child. I didn't envision awesome speech (and balance) on some days and pure mumble-jumble (speech and balance) on others.  I didn't envision hearing the words, "I'm just not sure what's going on. He's such a good listener, he gets it, he's a hard worker, and he's such a happy child, BUT SOMETHING'S MISSING." I certainly didn't envision that we'd possibly have another three years of therapy ahead of us. THREE MORE YEARS.

because I've been working my ass off. and it's SO frustrating.

What's crazy about all this though, is his hearing and listening skills are AMAZING! His technology is right on. He hears me as I yell for him from upstairs in the back bathroom and he's downstairs watching tv. He can repeat all his lings, each ear on it's own, from 10-12 feet away; he repeats all the phonemes pretty darn perfectly; he hears whispers, and well in noise. Receptively and cognitively - he's well ahead. He gets it.

I started writing this yesterday, as a "whoa-is-me-andmybaby" post. It's bittersweet hearing about other {amazing} kids implanted around the same time as {my also amazing} Aiden, speaking circles around him, graduated from therapy, and well caught up to their typical peers, all knowing we still have quite a road ahead. But, this is OUR JOURNEY; it is what it is, so we continue to move forward, and trust in our hearts he will get there (and he will).  Sometimes I feel I'm all over the board with Aiden. Like nothing's good enough for him. I promise you, it's not that. Yes, I am VERY particular when it comes to any of my kids and their education and success, but I believe every parent should be. But this is different. If it's not working or we're not seeing the support and fight needed to get him to where he needs to be, it's time to move on. We don't have time to "wait and see". Time is of essence at this stage and most importantly, I have to listen to my mommy gut. (and yes, I'm a bit of a control freak).

So we're making some changes.

and here's a glimpse at our new beginnings:

• changing his AV therapist - not because we don't love his therapist (we do), but logistically, on both sides, it wasn't working, and therefore lacked consistency. We will now have a WEEKLY session via the internet with a new AVT. There are so many positive and exciting things about this! More to come.
• changing his school - this sounds crazy, especially with his lack of language, but we're taking him out of his current oral deaf-ed program (which is 5 days a week all day) and placing him into a preschool which is 2 1/2 hours a day for four days a week. He will be the only deaf kid in his class. and it's a good thing. When I get him ready for the bus, he says, "NO mommy, new school!" He loves the new school and we've only visited twice. More to come.
• adding in a weekly (or possibly biweekly) speech therapy through our insurance - he had a wonderful speech therapist at his current school, but he was only allotted 15 minutes a day, 3-4x a week, and usually not one-on-one. I'm also working with his awesome SLP from his IFSP (before 3yo) days, to include her on his IEP to work with him one-on-one once a week, but also as a "push-in" in the classroom with him a couple days a week (in addition to a TOD). So far, the district is very open to requests and ready to work with us to meet Aiden's needs. More to come. 
• continue with our wonderful OT - there's so much I've learned from her about Aiden in the last eight months, and most importantly, Aiden is making HUGE strides. Six months ago, he couldn't stand on one balance bucket, now he can walk across six, WHILE TALKING! I tell her we get a free speech therapy session too when we see her. She's heaven sent and we still have quite the work ahead of us. 
• SOLID at home one-on-one sessions - with the change of school times, I will be able to dedicate myself to him alone. It was near impossible to work with Aiden at night. He didn't get home from school until 4pm, the same time R and K got home, then as I tried to help K with her homework, keep R on track doing his, getting dinner on the table, running to all their after school activities, bath, and bed, there was VERY little (if any) one on one time with Aiden, unless it was reading him his bedtime stories. Changing schools gives back our precious one on one therapy (aka playtime). and I think it's key to moving him forward.

We also have a neurology appt set up in May, just to see if there is something we're missing and hopefully get some answers. Maybe, just maybe, it will help us better understand his EVAS or if there's something else going on and possibly help in our plan going forward. I don't know, only hope.

Three years ago, there's no way I would've thought we'd still be here, with all these therapies, still trying to figure out why some days he speaks in clear 5-6 word sentences, but others we can barely understand a word he says. Why some days he jumps down the steps, but others he needs to hold my hand to get down. I can't waste my days worrying though, I have to keep my faith and know in my heart that he will be okay and that one day it will all come together - verbally, socially, physically. We will keep on keeping on. No regrets.

oh, and by the way, there's one other thing I envisioned almost four years ago - my child walking into a mainstream kindergarten, not feeling different, fitting in right along with all the kids -

and he will. 

Ten on Tuesday

1. Tomorrow we start another new AVT (auditory verbal therapy) adventure. We will still see Dr. Don every 2-3 months, but due to not being able to see him weekly (he's 2 hours away and if you haven't noticed, gas prices are CrAzY - especially with a SUV), we are starting weekly teleconferencing sessions with a new AVT and tomorrow we're heading to Akron so Aiden can meet his new friend and get everything set up. As Aiden said tonight, "It not Dr. Don." No buddy, not Dr. Don, but I'm sure it'll still be a lot of fun!

2. I am very excited to get this going. There is something about weekly sessions. I thought that once to twice a month would be okay, but there truly is something about the whole accountability thing. I'm really hoping the teleconferencing thing works for us, because between all of our kid's crazy schedules, this seems to fit in so much better.

3. To prepare for tomorrow's session with our new AVT, I made up a packet of information on Aiden, similar to the booklet I put together for our first IEP. I added in recent language samples, a chart of past language test scores, and all of his most recent evaluations (mainly from JTC). 

4. As I went through Aiden's audiograms and made copies, I couldn't believe how much he has fluctuated from map to map. At one point last year, he tested at 65 in the low frequencies! That's insane. His maps have had such huge fluctuations in the past two years, it's no wonder my baby is still behind expressively. We have had a pretty stable map about nine to twelve months now, but still not consistently at 20-25db across all frequencies as I'd like to see. He still drops to 35-40db here and there, hence the reason of seeing our audiologist every three months. 

5. He is still making good strides this year in all areas, but he definitely still has his off days. There are some days where he consistently loses his balance and those same days I can barely understand a word he says. Something's missing and I just can't put my finger on it. I voiced my concerns with his PT, SLP, and OT and all three of them agreed with me and suggested he be seen by a neurologist, "just to see and rule everything out" to make sure nothing else is going on. They all see both sides of him. So the referral was sent in and the appt made - for MAY. wow.

6. Do any of you/your children have a map with a higher pulse width? I don't fully understand it, but at Aiden's last mapping appointment (in December), a wider pulse width was needed to obtain NRTs on his right ear (which we've always had trouble getting NRTs on). His audiologist then proceeded to create and try out a new map with this slight increase in pulse width (increased to 37). As she adjusted it, Aiden was fine, but by the end he was burying his head in my chest and not liking it what-so-ever. We immediately turned it off and went back to square one (pulse width of 25) and adjusted based on phoneme repetition. Just curious. We go back next month for booth testing.

7. I LOVE this picture of my silly boy.

8. I CHERISH our "therapy Thursdays" together. We start out with an OT session and then the rest of the day is just ours. I really need to blog his OT sessions (and AMAZING therapist) - I have so much to share. We have noticed though that when he comes in with "slush mouth" (jumbled speech), within fifteen minutes of heavy work, he's speaking a lot crisper. He LOVES his OT and is quite the performer for her!

9. Took this picture of a beautiful sunrise the other morning from K's bedroom window. Bliss.

  

10. that's it. hope you enjoy your week. i will. i get two days with my boy ... tomorrow and thursday! As Aiden says, "No school tomorrow. Stay home mommy!" Ya buddy!!! i.love.it!

the orange m&m

We've been working very hard at some certain sounds Aiden has difficulty with - such as /w/, /f/, /n/, /p/ and /sh/. He's using them, a lot of times pretty clearly, but still has some challenges as they can sound weak or jumbled depending on placement (beginning, middle, end) and/or with certain sounds combined with them (especially if /oo/ or /ow/ follow the consonant) - oh, and he's three.

The one that is SO difficult for him is that dreaded /f/. FUdge. It's so funny too, since his one tooth was pulled, he walks around with the other tooth over his bottom lip all.the.time, which you think would be great for producing that hard yucky /f/ sound, but nope, he blows out of his nose instead of his mouth and it comes out as a nasally, lot of air through nose /p/. He had it for awhile, and sometimes still does, so either we're trying too hard, or it's time for another mapping. (which we have in a few days since he's started dropping endings and sounding a little more slurry than usual).

We always start with the sound alone (for ex. /w/), do some syllable play with it (wa, wo, we, wi, woo, wow, wa-wo, we-wa, wi-woo etc. which btw is GREAT for his minor apraxia/motor planning challenges too), use the sound in isolated words (wagon, white, witch), two words together (white witch, where's Waldo), and then in short sentences (which has been GREAT for helping him expand his sentence, voice control, and clarity of speech in sentences). Each step depends on the success of the previous step in order to move on so he doesn't get frustrated and always feels successful. 

So of course, I've been video taping to watch his progress. 

(OH, 

if you're like me, when you're trying to come up with words on your own that begin with a certain letter, you can never think of more than TWO. ok, maybe three. But then to think of words where the sound is in the middle or end - whatever - I spend more time thinking than Aiden does practicing. Plus, who doesn't like easy, new, and FREE ideas, especially when it comes to something boring like practicing articulation. So of course I'm sharing ...

THIS site, with all kinds of WORKSHEETS, that I stumbled across the other day. she even posts tips on how to work with a certain sound. 

love it. and so does Aiden.

better yet, just saw this post. IT'S ON THE ipad! speech therapy on the go. 

oh, and m&ms are always helpful too.
(gotta say, he's silly throughout - especially in the end with that dang orange m&m near the end. love this kid.)

Smorgasbord of Updates

Not posting in awhile PLUS tons of unfinished posts sitting out in Never, Never Land EQUALS stress in my OCD mind. To clear my head and stop the massive pile up of posts screaming to be finished, I decided to sum it all up in one, which is probably best since I'll be to the point and not ramble on like I often can.

1) Vacation! - Let's start with the important things first. ; ) Aiden's daddy and I just got back from a much needed get-away to Vegas with my husband's sister and her husband. It was our first trip without kids AND without going to see family in over 10 years! Our 16 year anniversary is coming up (smile) and they just celebrated their 10 year (smile). Aiden's awesome grandma drove in from Wisconsin to stay with the kids while we flew off to Sin City. I didn't realize how worn out I was until my body took over my fun and went into complete relax mode. I did more laying in the sun and sleeping than anything else. My mom did a FABULOUS job in keeping up with Aiden's CIs, participating in his therapies, and by the time she left, he even had some new vocabulary added to his growing list. We all had an amazing time, came back more relaxed and are now ready for the beach!

2) New Audiologist - We decided to switch Aiden's audiology center from Cincinnati Children's to Cleveland Clinic strictly for convenience. We loved the audiologist we had in Cinci, but traveling two hours west one week then two hours north another was wearing. Our newest audiologist was trained and highly recommended from our old one, works hand in hand with Aiden's AVT, Dr. Don, AND is training to be an AV under him as well. So not only is she Aiden's new audiologist, she participates in his Saturday AV therapies as well. She is absolutely wonderful with Aiden and he responds very well to her.

3) Mapping Madness - A few weeks ago we had a third audiology appointment within six weeks. We're still trying to get Aiden's maps back on track and with the looks of his latest audiogram, we're well on the way. I was shocked Dr. Rachel got results across the board like this because the boy wouldn't sit still and really wanted nothing to do with the testing. So I'm sure they're even better than what the audiogram below shows, which would put him hearing between 20 and 25db across the board! We go back in a couple weeks for AV therapy and another audiology appt. to confirm these results and make any necessary mapping adjustments.

4. Speech Therapy - Back in early summer I debated adding on more of a traditional speech therapy for Aiden and decided to go ahead and try it for six to eight weeks. Well, we are going to continue with Ms. Cheryl as we absolutely see a difference in Aiden's overall tone and breath control. She has been amazing at providing us ideas on how to work with Aiden's sensory issues and low muscle tone which are affecting his motor planning skills and therefore his speech production. We know Aiden gets it receptively. He's well above age level in his receptive language. It's expressive where he lacks. He is starting to speak in a lot of two/three word sentences, it's just that you can't understand a lot of them (unless it is something that has become very repetitive for him, such as "get down" or "all done" or "it's stuck"). If he were to say each of the two or three words separately, you'd understand each one pretty well. But when he goes to put two or more words together, they come out all jumbled. We brought up the concern of apraxia, but she doesn't see it in Aiden. She is also helping us with specific speech sounds (right now we're working on /p/). Since we've been seeing her, Aiden is now producing a perfect "ee" and can hold a sound for a much longer duration AND at different pitches; something he couldn't do before.

5. Auditory Verbal Therapy - We continue to see Dr. Don two times a month. We drive to Cleveland once a month so Aiden's daddy or siblings can participate in a Saturday session, and then to the college where Dr. Don teaches once a month which is closer to home. This man is amazing and Aiden responds very well to him. We're blessed to have him on our team. Right now we're working on 1) identifying "ing" verbs and using them in simple sentences such as, "The boy is riding.", 2) sorting higher level groups such as types of animals (farm vs. water vs. zoo/jungle) and fruits vs. vegetables and 3) discriminating between similar sounding words, such as house and mouth, 4) story telling through Aiden's daily experience book (which I'll detail in a separate post).

5. PT and OT - Six months ago my son couldn't walk on or off a one inch floor mat without falling. He would have to completely stop, throw his arms out for balance, then carefully walk up or down. One inch. Many days he walked around like a drunken sailor. He could barely run and definitely couldn't jump. There's not a better time to see improvements in gross motor than summertime. Parks, play dates outside, riding bikes, climbing, running up and down hills, camping, swimming, etc. This summer we saw TREMENDOUS gains in Aiden's gross motor. He is now RUNNING, jumping (well more like trotting, but sometimes he'll get both feet off the ground), and best of all - he's PEDALING his tricycle! He still has some off balance days, but he's learning to compensate for them and is finally keeping up physically with his peers.

With his gross motor gains and ideas from his wonderful PT to continue to work on at home, we're going to stop PT for awhile and pick up OT, but this time with a therapist who specializes solely with sensory integration. Sensory is such a beast to understand and can affect so much, including speech production. I don't feel like I have a good handle on it and need a lot better guidance on how I can help Aiden conquer his sensory needs in order to move forward with his expressive language and speech production ... oh and learning how to calm his major hyperness/daredevil ways wouldn't hurt either.

6. Transition Time - I CANNOT BELIEVE we're at the point of leaving county services and beginning to look at PRESCHOOLS! To me, this means Aiden is almost THREE and growing up way too fast! I'm in the process of touring local preschools (more to come on this) and at the end of this month we'll have our transition planning conference with our local school district. It is a very brief meeting which we'll introduce ourselves and let them know which preschools we'll be touring as well as where we would like Aiden's evaluation done to determine eligibility of services.

7. and the best for last - Aiden. Aiden is taking off. His vocabulary is growing daily (I know. I SO need to update that vocab. list to the right), he is reaching the goals set for him, and you can just see his little brain constantly in discovery mode. He knows his colors, his shapes, his numbers (not just rote counting, but identifies them written up to 10) and is starting to recognize certain letters. He's having little conversations with us. He tells his brother, sister, and the cats what to do, he tells everything bye-bye (except his therapists, because why on earth would he talk to them?), and is starting to express his wants and needs so much more than he ever has. He has finally learned to EXPRESS the word NO ... and as he says it, he signs it just as fast! Dr. Don says he's on the verge of a 2-3 word sentences language explosion, "Deafness, shmeffness", he says, "he hears and speaks better than many hearing kids I know."

I love this journey.

Decision Made

Not long ago I wrote this post looking for guidance and thoughts on putting Aiden into an additional speech therapy. First, let me say THANK YOU to all who responded! I love this amazing community we are all a part of and the open advice/guidance we provide one another!

Soon before I wrote that post I had no qualms about it, in fact, we were very excited this highly recommended therapist finally had an opening for Aiden. Being the OW (obsessive worrier) type of person I am when it comes to my kids, I decided I didn't do my homework well enough (due to completely forgetting about the first appointment until 15 minutes before it, which led to me NOT being prepared mentally or physically) to make a final decision, and hence, my fret all about it.

After a weekend of wondering and hearing back from all of you, I decided I needed to speak with Miss Cheryl again, so I called her, this time much more prepared.

I was very upfront and honest explaining I was nervous about mixing philosophies, about confusing Aiden, about her plan for him, about having "too much" therapy, and how I truly didn't know her background except for what I'd heard from others. We spoke for nearly an hour.

She had a very impressive background, attending Galludet and George Washington Univ. She's worked with kids with hearing loss, but Aiden would be her first bilateral CI kiddo. We spoke of how far technology has come. She told me she'd like to get in contact with Aiden's AV therapist and take some auditory verbal classes for her continuing education classes this fall.

She told me she'd been thinking of Aiden since we left ... how amazed she was with his excellent vocal quality and thresholds; how his speech production is very close to his chronological age, yet right on for his hearing age; how she shouldn't use much sign at all with him since HE'S A DEAF CHILD LEARNING TO LISTEN AND SPEAK and how it would be easier for him to sign than to speak, so she will refrain from using sign unless she sees it as a means to an end (which we do too). Overall, she'd like to approach him as a child with a mild expressive speech delay due to low muscle tone (which affects his breathing and therefore expressive speech ... this is why Aiden will sometimes make that annoying high pitched "gasping for air" sound when trying to speak) and minor oral motor issues (and of course, him being deaf).

We will continue full force on our AV path. We have a WONDERFUL AV therapist who teaches us ways to continuously incorporate language opportunities into everything we do. In the same sense, I believe Miss Cheryl will complement this program well working on other areas such as Aiden's breathing patterns, duration and pitch, and as time tells, articulation.

In the end, we agreed that a trial period of eight weeks would be a good amount of time to see if we are a fit for each other and reevaluate where we want to go from there. I feel good going forward and hope this does work out ... especially since she's our only therapist less than 30 minutes away!

Searching for Some Guidance

As parents of deaf and hoh kiddos know, appointments can be very overwhelming and feel as if there is no end in sight. In the beginning it felt like we had an appointment nearly everyday for months on out. They settled down as time went on and then WHAM - we were slapped back into reality as we went to nonstop activation and mapping appointments, not to mention the therapies in between. Then the storm calmed and appointments became fewer again.

I feel we're back in the storm again.

Aiden's list of therapies/appointments to date include:

• Physical Therapy - After a recent evaluation, Aiden is still significantly below average in stationary/balance skills and locomotion skills. He has low muscle tone (which I would never guess trying to pry him off something or take something away from him - the boy is strong!) We have a PT come to our home every other week.
• Auditory Verbal Therapy - Every other week we drive 2 hours to see Dr. Don. I know crazy, but we LOVE this therapist and we get to visit family all at the same time.
• Regional Infant Hearing Program therapist - once a month and LOVE her too. We do a lot of learning to listen activities that go hand in hand with our AVT. This is at the same school that houses the oral preschool program for the deaf/hoh that Aiden will most likely attend.
• Music Therapy - We just changed this from weekly to every other week, she comes to our house, and it's a TON of FUN.
• Occupational Therapy for sensory issues/vestibular/balance. We just left one practice due to lack of "warm and fuzzies" for this therapist. When you don't feel like you're learning anything to help your child and dread going to therapy, it's time to move on.
• Audiology appointments - We have these once every two to three months ... we're still trying to get Aiden's maps back on track. We're getting there, but I'm still seeing issues with his responses to the low frequencies in his right ear - we're heading back to Cinci in a few days.
• Little Gym - YAY! We love Little Gym! It's a FUN class to help with balance and low muscle tone, but even more importantly, to be around other kids his age and have some fun!

Then of course, we have the most important therapy, and that's our everyday language rich experiences that have become part of our everyday normal.

(These are the reasons I stay home. If I got paid for all the different "hats" I wear, I'd be making much more than I ever did in the working world.)

To top it all off, we are considering putting him into a more "traditional" speech therapy (in addition to his auditory verbal therapy). This would offset the weeks Aiden doesn't have AVT. She works with our county and comes highly recommended as working with a wide array of special needs children and helping them learn to speak. She also specializes in working with kids who have low muscle tone and sensory issues. Although our team believes Aiden is doing well and is a very bright two year old, there is a consensus that his low muscle tone and sensory seeking ways may be affecting his speech production. (after taking into consideration the fact that he's deaf of course).

We had an evaluation with this therapist, Miss Cheryl, last Friday. She is married to a deaf man who was implanted years ago, but never quite adapted to it, so no longer uses it. She has a child with vestibular and sensory issues similar to Aiden's. She likes to use sign as a bridge to spoken language. We informed her we are not against sign, but use it VERY little. We like her. We like even more her office is only FIVE minutes from our house. I worry about having yet another speech therapy, but more so, one that is to a different beat than what we're used to in AVT.

We are also questioning finding another OT who specializes in sensory integration (SI). We did have Aiden reevaluated through our hearing program's OT (we never completely understood Aiden's OT issues until this point). The results showed Aiden's grasping and visual motor skills on target, yet there are vestibular issues (due to his EVAS) which he is most likely compensating for relying on vision. The sensory profile results suggested that there are issues with auditory processing (of course) and oral processing (hyporesponsive meaning it takes more input than normal to register). Aiden is a sensory seeker and low registration child (meaning again, Aiden requires a significant amount of input in order to produce an appropriate response). These children are very active and are continually engaged within their environment. Aiden gets overstimulated in an environment with a significant amount of visual input, since it is this system that he relies on to overcompensate for his vestibular issues. The OT recommended 1) at home activities to focus on enhancing his other sensory systems (besides vision) to learn to compensate for vestibular deficits, 2) continue PT, and 3) seek a speech therapist regarding oral motor processing due to sensory results.

So what to do. This would add in two more appointments into our already busy schedule. We DON'T want to overindulge Aiden in therapies. We DON'T want his toddler days to be sitting in a therapy chair or playing in a therapy room. We DON'T want to look back and remember him being more in therapy than playing with friends. Yet in the same breath ...

We DO want our baby to learn to compensate for the dizziness/balance problems he may have for the rest of his life.

We DO want our baby to run and keep up with his friends, something that today, is very hard for him.

We DO want our baby to hear and to speak in a way that you'd never know he had a hearing loss.

We DO want our baby to be mainstreamed by kindergarten.

We DO want to build a strong foundation for Aiden in which to build upon by providing enriching life experiences. To build this, we believe it does take a village. It's this village that helps Aiden's daddy and I understand how to make sure the foundation is solid and how to continue to move forward, building up and branching out

We DO want our baby to feel successful in an already hard world.

We know all this is possible. We know all this takes a lot of hard work. We know we need to work hard with him now, to make it easier later.

We'll figure it out and I'm seeking guidance from the true professionals who have been there done that to help us.

For those of you whose child has vestibular and/or sensory issues:

• Did you find that occupational therapy helped these areas?
• Are there any books that you found most helpful in helping you help your child?
• Did you find that these areas were affecting your child's speech progression and if so, what helped?

For those whose child sees a "traditional" speech therapist (in addition to another type of oral/auditory therapy or alone):

• What ways do you see this benefits your child?
• Do you work more on pronunciation and articulation?
• If you've seen an AVT as well, do you see the two therapies as completely different? Do you find they complement each other?
• If seeing more than one speech therapist - how do you manage them together? Do you ask that the lessons be similar or let each therapist do their own thing and work on something different?

Any feedback, thoughts, words of wisdom are greatly appreciated, even outside the questions I may not know to ask.

I have to say too, we don't spend our days constantly worried about Aiden. We are happy with his progress, yet concerned in the same breath. He's trucking right along with some bumps and bends in his path. We want to make sure he has the right means to a successful end. He has more "opportunities" (thank you Ethan's mom, I like using this word better than others) than hearing loss, and understanding and balancing them all can be quite the task. Sometimes I feel like I could work for the circus (especially when you add in Aiden's siblings which could be a whole other blog all in itself). Seriously. ; - )