18 Month Mommy

Aiden had his eighteen month well baby visit yesterday.

As I sat there waiting I couldn't help but reminisce

about his two month well visit.

The tears welled up in my eyes that day,

sixteen months ago,

as I watched a toddler play in the waiting room.

I pictured Aiden at this little boy's age

(who was about 12 to 18 mths)

and all I could picture was all this equipment.

I tried to shut my mind off, but it wouldn't.

I wondered if he'd be as outgoing as the little boy

toddling around, babbling to his mom as happy as can be.

I thought about the possibility of Aiden not babbling,

and my heart skipped a beat, as if I couldn't breathe,

I was scared ... very scared.

I will NEVER forget that day.

That day I hated that my baby was deaf. Hated it.

I left the office feeling very sick to my stomach, tears rolling down.

Aiden at 2 months

Fast forward to yesterday. and my experience,
as the mom in the waiting room with an 18 month old,
with "that equipment" we now can't imagine him without.

We walk in and Aiden immediately starts squiggling

and says, "owwwn" for me to let him down.

I sit down, and Aiden hovers by my legs

playing shy in front of another mom and her daughter.

My monkey then climbs up on the seat,

saying "maaaaam" as he lays his head

on my shoulder still playing shy,

then decides he needs to show off instead

and gives me a nice whack on the head

as he yells "ow!" laughing out loud.

Continues to show off as he does a nose dive over me

to get a magazine with Halloween pictures on the cover.

As I try to talk to him about the pumpkin and the ghost

and the spiders, he yells,"ah da" (all done),

rips it from my hand and throws it on the floor.

then proceeds to try and climb up the seat

and onto the window sill ...

that's when the nurse came to call us back

thank God.

The nurse brings us back to the room, and

when she's done, says, "bye-bye Aiden!"

So Aiden waves and then blows a kiss

with a big ol "mmmmua"!

And I was worried.

Aiden at 18 months

and just for the record, his stats:

• 27 pounds 4 oz vs. 12 pounds at 2 mths


• 33 inches vs. 23 inches at 2 mths
  
• 50 cm head circumference ... and I only put this here because I had to laugh at the fact that his head size is in the 95th percentile!! Oh my boys and there noggins!

Bad Day, but Counting My Blessings

So we started off our morning with lots of smiles, a good breakfast, and what I thought was going to be a pretty damn good day. Wrong. And not that it was a rough, woe-is-me Aiden was a hellion day, but more so a hard physical day for my baby ... and a teary one for mom.

After breakfast this morning, I took Aiden's tray off his chair to wash it and before I knew it, he was on the floor ... face first. WHACK. I picked him up and a big ol' goose egg started to take form on his head. I ALWAYS buckle him in ... ALWAYS! I guess not this time ... I can't imagine that he could've unbuckled himself, although he does a lot of things I'd never imagine. All I could do was hold him and cry with him. I felt SO, SO, SO BAD. How could I let this happen! Then I got SCARED. So I called Aiden's daddy, packed Aiden up in the car, picked up dad on the way, and headed to the hospital, just in case. He seemed fine, but I wasn't about to chance it! All the way there I beat myself up and Aiden's daddy reminded me "shit happens." I have such a wonderful husband!

On the way to the emergency room, I got a phone call. It was, out of all people, Aiden's surgeon, Dr. Niparko. The first thing he always does is ask about Aiden. So I told him exactly what had just happened. He asked me some questions about the situation, and told me what he figured the ER would do ... send us home and monitor him for 24 hours. Aiden was fine and we turned around to head back home.

So our conversation went on. Aiden's left coil has been consistently falling off since activation. In fact, right before activation, his audiologist noticed the left internal implant piece had fallen in his head. At that time, we talked about doing surgery to move it back up, but decided to do a trial run first. Well, after a week of constantly chasing Aiden around to replace the left coil I called our audiologist first thing Monday morning to order a coil with a longer cord. Which we did, and is working. But Aiden's surgeon thinks it's best to move it now, before the internal part moves even more and before it gets entrapped in scar tissue etc. I just got off the phone with him, for a second time today, and discussed how it's best to do this now, rather than later. And even though the longer coil may work for a bit, we're all looking for more of a lifetime fit and a fix that won't have to mess with the great electrode insertion in Aiden's cochlea. As much as I hate to see Aiden go through surgery again, we trust his surgeon and know we need to do this now.

SO ... this Friday, yes in two days, Aiden has to go back for surgery. It won't be near as invasive as the complete implant, but it's still surgery. I hate that he has to be put under anesthetic again, but I would hate to have a constant fight of keeping the coil on. We see how the implant has moved, but were hoping we could get around having to surgically move it. The good thing is, is that the surgery should only take about 30 minutes, with a small incision, and back wearing his CI and hearing with his left ear again within a week or two. If there's anytime for this to happen, the time is now.

Then to top the day off he had his 12 month well baby visit (we were behind with everything going on) so he had to go and get three shots today! But, he did weigh in at a good ol' 23 lbs. 10 oz., and measured 29 inches long! His ear infection is all cleared up and he's on track with everything ... well everything except listening and language.

"No, he's not babbling ... but he will."

"No, he's not saying mama or dada ... but he will and I'll tell the world about it the first time he does!"

"No, he's not turning to our voices ... but he's starting to!"

"All he says is 'mmmmm' in a moaning, truly annoying way, but he'll move on to new sounds soon ... I really, really hope."

"Although he's deaf, he has been given the miracle of CIs (his pediatrician was teary eyed at this point). And next time, I hope I can answer more of these type of questions with yes."

So, here we go with another mountain to climb in our journey. I thought I was going to lose it more than once today. We're given many challenges in life ... and honestly, I'd rather be given this challenge than many others. My child is healthy. What more could I ask for.

Aiden's Two Months!

Yesterday was Aiden's two month appointment! I can't believe he's two months already! What a day it was - our appt. was at 9:45 and we didn't get out of there until after 11:30 and anyone who has a two month old knows what a LONG 2 hours that is! Plus, he got FOUR shots! My roly poly weighed in at a whopping 12 pounds and was 23 inches! He's gained over 3/4 pound in one week! No wonder - he eats any chance he gets! Dr. said he's nice and healthy!

As we were forever waiting, a mom came in with her son who was about 12-18 months old. He sat and babbled with his mom and tears came to my eyes. I immediately wondered, will my baby be able to babble with me like that? Then I thought about the equipment Aiden will have to wear all of his life (google cochlear implants to see a picture of it). Of course I want my baby to hear, and I know the only way he will is through cochlear implants and technology will get better etc. etc. ... and I know this sounds so "material", but again, this world is hard enough and I couldn't get past that moment of feeling sorry for my baby and what he will face. I determined at that moment that Mike and I will have to come up with some good/humorous sayings for Aiden to use to help explain his "equipment". Then again, Aiden will probably come up with his own and then teach us a few!

His audiologist called yesterday to let me know his hearing aids were in. Our appt. is scheduled for next week, but she said we could come in this Thursday instead, but Mike won't be able to make it and I don't want to do it alone. I'm not ready ... it's almost as if putting hearing aids on him is the final diagnosis and will make this all real. I just have to keep telling myself, it's a positive step towards successful hearing/speaking! I'm excited about therapy to start, I'm just not ready for the hearing aids, they're a visual and will be a constant reminder of what no parent is prepared for, a child with any type of disability. I gotta move forward though - we're going to do this and one day AIDEN WILL HEAR and babble and speak and do what he wants to do without limitations! He is amazing, deaf at 2 months, I can't imagine him hearing at 2 years!