Saturday, December 27, 2008

Six Weeks Away and It's Starting to Hit Me

Now that Christmas is over, now that we've all gone through some sort of puking and/or respiratory episode, our days are finally beginning to slow down and I can't help but think about our next big event ... Aiden's surgery. I can't believe Aiden's implant time is so close and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I have all of these emotions going crazy inside of me. I can't believe that in less then 2 months, my baby will begin his hearing journey.

What seemed like would never, ever get here, is right around the corner. We have worked so hard this past year in learning, teaching, practicing, researching, doing all we can to teach Aiden to learn to listen. Since finding out about Aiden's deafness, I have done so much to educate family and friends about Aiden's world. I have prepared them for what is to come, by sharing all I have learned, stories from other families with a deaf/hoh child(ren), what the surgery will entail, activation, having to teach Aiden to listen etc. etc. etc. But somewhere in between all this, I don't know if I've prepared myself; because now that it's almost here, I go from completely ecstatic to terrified all in one breath.

It seems so surreal. It feels like just yesterday they told me, "It's probably just fluid." It seems like just yesterday that everytime I looked at my baby, I'd cry, thinking how he couldn't hear his mommy's voice. I don't think too much about Aiden "being deaf" anymore. I talk to him all day like he can hear me. I work with him all day teaching him to listen. I try very hard not to let his deafness define him. We work very hard with his learning to listen and I commend my little guy for how far he's come. With his hearing aids, he turns to noises, he turns his head to 5 out of the 6 Ling Sounds (ahh, mmm, ooo, eee, shhh), he turns to his name (sometimes), he responds to some words (in combination with some sign) such as dada, eat, up, milk, light, bye-bye, peek-a-boo. He's getting it ... some of it ... but he doesn't have the whole package. And even after all these months, I still hate it for him.

I have been catching up on all of my blogs tonight, and as always am amazed at what our deaf/hoh children accomplish! We were very fortunate to find out about Aiden's loss as soon as we did and to get him into therapy right away. Because of this though, our path to cochlear implants has seemed like an eternity. Through it all, it has been great therapy for me to watch Drew sing, and Toes have conversations with her friends, and Christian tell his mommy he loves her! Please click on these links and watch the videos and read the stories. Each of these parents were at a point I am today. Each of them wondered if their baby would hear and speak. These stories have been so inspirational for me, since at one time I totally wondered if my child would ever HEAR, would ever TALK. Stories like these are the reason I do not think about Aiden's deafness day in and day out. Stories like these have provided me the wisdom, faith, and hope that one day I will hear Aiden sing, Aiden tell me he loves me, and Aiden have an all out conversation with whomever. It won't be easy, but it will happen.

It has also been a blessing to walk hand in hand with Lucas' mom, Ben's mom, and Danny's mom. To think two of these precious babies have had their surgery and soon it will be OUR turn. I am so excited and so ecstatic and so anxious and SO SCARED! I have been having a lot of dreams. In one, I couldn't tell if the implant was working, because Aiden was too young to tell me whether or not he could truly hear. In the other, I was getting the implants, and I was terrified, yet in the end, I walked out of the hospital just fine.

We still have about 1 month, 2 weeks, and 1 day until Aiden's surgery ... but who's counting! What keeps me going is the thought of my baby actually hearing us sing Happy Birthday to him when he turns one on Saint Patty's Day. How amazing is that!?!

6 comments:

Tiffany & Tristan said...

Tammy you are an AMAZING mother. Seriously, you are such a strong woman and Aiden is so blessed to have you as his mommy. I remember holding him when he was just a few weeks old and not even imagining the journey your family would go through but you have done it and with such strong faith. Everything will work out for God's glory and your story will be one to help so many other mothers with WHATEVER trial they are facing.

leahlefler said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you guys over the next six weeks- Aiden has done so well with his hearing aids, and he will take off like a rocket once he learns to listen with his CI!

Drew's Mom said...

I can remember feeling like we would never make it to activation. The days just seemed to drag on and on...and all I wanted was for it to be our turn. My inspriations were Toes and Kevin, and I remember longing for the day that would be Drew.

Now, we nearly 18+ months since activation. Where does the time go?

You have done a fabulous job researching your options to provide Aiden with the best possible outcome. Just wait...by next Christmas he is going to be saying "Mommy!" How awesome is that?

Enjoy the rest of the holiday season. His day will be here before you know it, and then the surgery will be behind you. There are some very exciting days ahead!

FutureBionicEar Mom said...

I am glad that you all had a great Christmas. Aiden's surgery will come pretty quick. I will have my two appt next month with the psychological evaulation, and hearing test at John Hopkins. Is Aiden's birthday on March 17th? If it is my daughter Shannon birthday is on March 17th and she is also hoh.
It perfectly normal to have some anxiety before surgery and I sometime think about this but the outcome of this will be in God's hand. Must have faith in him.

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Ditto on the Amazing Mom! It will be here before you know it, and you will fly through it like a champ...your Dad is watching over you. Love, Jodi

Karen Putz said...

Wishing you a smooth surgery and speedy recovery and a great hearing journey!